Lily of the Valley

Trying...

2011-07-22T13:07:00.003-05:00

I always have a tendency to clam up and not talk to anyone outside of close family members when I'm having a rough time. I don't want to bring anyone else down. I don't want to be a bummer. Problem is that shuts me off from contact with others, and that's something I desperately need right now. So, this isn't going to be one of those "Happy happy! Joy joy!" kinds of posts, sorry to say.

As long as I can remember, I've struggled with anxiety. My mother said I was fearful even as a very small child. Then, at one point, the anxiety took such control over me that I finally had to give up. That's when I learned what it meant to "let go and let God" as so many say. Letting go was the hardest, and the easiest thing I've ever done. And I am not sure if I could tell anyone else how to do it either, other than to say that you just have to truly give up on trying to do it on your own.

Now, I can't say that anxiety is gone from my life...IF only... But I can say that anxiety has far less control over me than it used to have. Even when my anxiety is high now, I can usually calm myself down easier, and it never seems to be as high as it used to be. Thank God!!!!

There's one major problem. When I came to grips with my old "friend" anxiety, that's when my new "friend" reared his ugly head. My new "friend" is depression. I guess I had known depression before, but for the last ten years or so, it's been prevalent in my life more often than not. I try hard to use the tools I know will help pull me out of the miry pit that pulls me down into it so often, but sometimes I just can't seem to get out.

The tools I use seem to be out of my grasp sometimes. One of them is just getting dressed and brushing my hair. Some others are exercise, sunlight, and talking to/helping other people. Certain things right now are making most of these even harder to do, not that any of them are easy for me to do anyway during times of depression.

The excessive heat we are currently experiencing here, combined with almost incessant hot flashes is making all of my usual tools more difficult to utilize. Going outside in this heat (100+ temps every day for 3 weeks, and no end in sight) sometimes makes me feel like I could literally pass out! And even with the air conditioner running full blast all day, exercising can lead to overheating fast.

I'm also unemployed, and can't even seem to get an interview. I apply online for any job that I think I might possibly be able to do, and I'd even consider a job in fast food at this point, if I thought I could stand on my feet all day. I'd apply for a call center job again, if I thought I could do that job without being pushed completely over the edge, and it might come to that point anyway if I can't find income somewhere.

So today, even though I was up way too late last night, I got up at a half decent hour. I got dressed, and I've done some dishes and laundry. I'm determined to make it a better day, Lord help me!

Just do it!

2011-06-28T11:36:00.002-05:00

Philippians 4:13

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

Today, exercising was HARD! I didn't want to do it, especially once I started. Sometimes it's the getting started, but today it was the keeping going. But I did it!

Yesterday, I got a big boost to keep going (and I needed it!) from my friend Melissa who said she started her day 1 yesterday of being healthier. It's great to know that someone else is in this with me, and it's nice to hear that my doing this is helping someone else to do it too. Praise God!!!

Oh, I almost forgot to post here! When I weighed on day 7, I was down 3 lbs! Woohoo!!

Suzanne :)

Dreaming

2011-06-26T11:58:00.003-05:00

Isaiah 61:3

New International Version (NIV)

And provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,
the oil of joy instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.

Today is day seven of taking better care of me. I've been focusing on God, and praying more. I have a song in my head, instead of that awful voice I had before. I exercised six out of seven days, and have been eating less too. It's been a struggle at times, even fighting off bad feelings during church yesterday evening, but overall, a great week.

This morning I had a pleasant dream. That's unusual for me. I dreamed that I had a horse in my back yard, and I also had a garden. Right next to where the horse was, there were tomatoes growing, and there were several big, ripe tomatoes growing on a tomato plant that was partially submerged at the bottom of the plant in the mud.

So, I did a bit of my own dream analyzing. I've never had much contact with horses, but when I have, I feel a special connection for some reason. Horses seem to have a way of making me slow down my thinking and I feel peaceful around them.

Gardening is also something that seems to bring about peace in me, although this year I didn't get my garden planted quite soon enough. Plus, the heat here has been terrible. So, my plants aren't producing like they should, and the plants I wanted most to produce were the tomatoes. Sadly, I've had just a few cherry tomatoes, and I've had to keep buying the regular sized ones from the store.

I think that the horse represented God, and the tomato plant is the part of me that has been suppressed. I'm beginning to feel more alive and productive, thus the tomatoes on the vine coming up out of the mud, and the horse there representing the peace I feel from God about these changes in my life.

Thank you Lord, for your overwhelming presence in my life this week. Help me Lord, to stay my focus on you.

Suzanne :)

You're Beautiful!

2011-06-24T15:14:00.005-05:00

You're beautiful! And don't let anyone tell you differently. I don't care if you weigh 500 pounds or 88 pounds. I don't care if the world says you're too fat or too thin. You are beautiful in God's eyes! He dearly loves you.

You're beautiful! I don't care if you believe it or not. It doesn't matter if you do your best to push people away, because you don't like who you are. It doesn't matter if you intentionally sabotage your life doing things you know you shouldn't do. God loves you if you are the best person who ever lived, or the worst. He doesn't care if you are the WORST of the worst. He still sent His Son to die for you.

You're beautiful! And there isn't anything you need to change about yourself before God loves you. Not a single thing. Even if you choose to do evil things, GOD sees through that to the person He made you to be. You don't have to change anything FIRST to make Him love you. All you have to do is to believe Him and let Him reign in your life. He will make the changes as He sees fit.

You're beautiful! Don't believe the lies you hear inside your head. That's all they are, lies. Choose to believe what God knows about you.

You're beautiful!

Day Five, Feelin' More Alive! So Long, Self!

2011-06-24T12:56:00.003-05:00

Romans 6:11

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

Even so consider yourselves to be dead to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus.

Well, I just finished my exercise for the day. I didn't have quite as much energy as yesterday, but the point is that I did it!

I realized something this morning. I'm feeling better about myself to the point that I'm not hearing that voice in my head that tells me I'm stupid. Yay! I'm praising God and beginning to listen to him again. I'm beginning to feel that peace within again.

I found out a couple of days ago that the job I thought I'd have beginning in August may not come through. So, I'm back to looking for a job. That could've been a big hit for me emotionally. I had it in my mind that I'd have income again soon. Now, that's unsure. Instead of that being a huge letdown, because I'm focusing on God, I actually feel like I have a job to do anyway.

My job is to let God shine through me. My job is to inspire others with the inspiration He gives me. Right now I may not seem like a huge inspiration to some. I'm 46 years old, in my second marriage, morbidly obese, and unemployed. But, God sees something in me. I can feel that! I've felt it for a long time. I just haven't always embraced what He has for me.

Letting go of self and allowing God to work in me is what it's about! Thank you Father for helping me to see that. Please Lord, continue to be strong in me so that I can be a motivator for others and help others to know You better.

So long, Self!

Letting Go of the Shame

2011-06-23T15:43:00.000-05:00

Romans 8:1 (ESV)

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

I have a tendency to feel ashamed for things over which I had little or no control, and that's something that has to change. For one thing, I have felt ashamed about my weight, but I've realized that's not doing me ANY good. All that leads to is that I beat myself up, and then it's just a vicious circle.

Up until last week, I had never been to a water park, because I didn't want others to have to look at me in a swim suit. You know those skits you see on TV about some fat person, or the peopleofthatstore dot com pictures, the ones people like to make fun of? Well, I've been guilty in the past of making fun too, but that's just not right! I have no idea what the circumstances of that person are, and even if it were JUST that she has eaten herself into that size for no reason, that's her business. Who am I to judge? Why would others judge me? And, why do any of us consider that funny???

I would venture to say that in almost (if not all) cases where someone is morbidly obese (yes, that's me too), there are multiple reasons for it. For me, it's a combination of thyroid disease and emotional issues, among other possible reasons. It ends up being the case that I spend more and more time sitting at home in my recliner, because there are too many things I physically can't do. Well that has to end somewhere, and I don't want it ending for me at the end of my life. I want to live!

So, two times I've gone to a water park with my daughters and grandbaby. Thank you Lord for the courage to do that. Thank you for allowing me to "get over myself" enough to know that I could miss out on parts of my life I can't get back. I'm so thankful to have been able to see Em splashing around in the water, and thankful to have been able to hang out with my girls and some friends there too.

I'm also exercising every day now, and eating better. Today is day four!! And it really was easier than days two and three, and I know it will get easier still.

Next week if I make it to the water park, I plan to have someone take a picture of me. That's another way I'm choosing to live. I used to be so afraid of having my picture taken. I didn't want to see what I looked like, and I didn't think anyone else did either. Then I realized that typically when someone wants to take a picture of me, it's not for ME, it's for the people who love me. They want a record of the fact that I'm part of their lives. Why would I deny that?

Choosing to listen to God, who tells me I'm worth it, is part one. Part two is choosing to get up, exercise, and eat better. And part three is to continue getting out to do the things I can now do, until I continually am able to do more and more.

Thank you so much for my friends who have been encouraging me. Talking to you about it has given me the push I needed to keep going. I know it's only been four days, but that's about three days longer than I've been able to keep going in a very long time. Please ask me if I don't talk about exercising. The accountability helps so much!

Choosing to live,

Suzanne :)

Day Two, Into Day Three

2011-06-22T12:54:00.000-05:00

Day two went well. I did my exercise and ate pretty well. I might've gone over my calorie count just a bit, but not by much. Exercise was painful! I will be really glad when it's not. I've been there before, so I know I can do it!

Today, I've already done my exercise again (it already didn't hurt as much!), and now I've got to get ready to go meet up with three wonderful ladies. We all used to work together, and I am so thankful that we've been able to keep in touch.

Later on today, I plan to try to put together a longer post. I've got so many things going on in my head right now that I'm having trouble deciding on what to write about next!

Have a wonderful day!

Suzanne :)

Day One of Taking Better Care of Me

2011-06-20T11:56:00.002-05:00

Psalm 139:14

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.

Over and over again, I go back to Psalm 139. It's so very special to me, because it reminds me that God knows better, who I am, than I do. He thinks I'm wonderful! So, why do I continue not to believe Him?

Why do I continue to beat myself up? Why do I tell myself I'm stupid? I'm really not sure, but even typing those words makes me feel bad about myself. I believe me, rather than believe God, when it comes to who I am. Well, just for today, I am CHOOSING to believe God, so that maybe tomorrow I can believe it for myself.

God reminds me of how intricate the workings of my body are. God reminds me of the capability to show love for others. God reminds me of the things I am good at doing. God reminds me that I am His child. God reminds me that I am wonderful.

So, I pray that God will help me to take better care of myself. Spiritually. Physically. Emotionally.

Just for today, I am choosing to exercise and hopefully that will inspire me to do it again tomorrow. I did 1 mile of Leslie Sansone's Walk DVD that I've had for years, because I know it's something I can do, even as out of shape as I am right now. Yay me! :)

Just for today,I will eat better and hopefully that will inspire me to do it again tomorrow. I plan to consume no more than 2000 calories, because that should be the amount that is needed to help me lose weight at my current weight with my height. I am 4'11" and weigh 246 lbs., morning weight, with no shoes on. I choose not to beat myself up for getting to that weight, but to do better now. Yay me! :)

One day at a time, sweet Jesus.

Suzanne

2011-01-23T15:14:00.003-06:00

New...Old...
Fresh...Stagnant...
Life...Death...
Hope...Despair...
Trust...Anxiety...
Feel...Suppress...
Good...Evil...
God...Satan...
Free...Trapped...
Save...Condemn...

Giving up the old, stagnant ways that lead to death through despair, anxiety, and suppression that is the evil of satan, who traps to condemn.

Accepting a NEW, FRESH LIFE giving HOPE to TRUST, through the ability to let oneself FEEL, a GOOD GOD who FREES through the SAVIOR.

A Time to Heal

2011-01-17T10:50:00.004-06:00

Well, if there's anyone out there still following this blog, I'm sure you'll be shocked to see me here. It's a bit scary to be back. Quite a lot has happened in my life since I last blogged. Actually, that's an understatement...

When I last posted, I was an instructional aide for special education in middle school. I was also married, and very involved in the lives of all three of my children, including my grown child since I worked with her. I'm not sure I would've believed someone if they had told me just how different my life would be today.

I am now divorced (for all intents and purposes, over a year now..by law, only a few days ago). I work in a call center for a security company doing a job that is as un-fulfilling (most days anyway) as my job as an aide was fulfilling. My relationship with my kids is very different, since my younger two chose to stay living with their father when I left. I left because I didn't think there was any way for me to stay.

I'm sure I mentioned in my blog a few times how difficult my marriage was, but I also know that I minimized what I was going through because of my optimism that eventually things would get better, or I'd get better at dealing with it. I prayed so hard for God to change me if that was what was needed, to change him if that was it, and even to help me to keep living that way if that was His will...

I begged my ex-husband (hard to type that...) for years to go to counseling with me, so that we could figure out a way to make our marriage work. Once in a while, it would seem that I had convinced him to go...but then he would change his mind and decide not to go. When I finally felt like I'd rather die than stay in that place, I told him I just couldn't do it any more. I told him I'd be willing to go to counseling, but he'd have to be the one to set it up, since I believed that he would just back out again... I desperately hoped that he would be willing to seek help.

Two hours later, I sat across the room from him watching him begin the process of splitting our assets. He apparently had no desire to go to counseling. I didn't know what to say, what to do...

I don't remember if we told our kids that evening, or the next. I think it was that evening, but I guess that's something my memory is blocked about at the moment. We told the kids that we planned to remain "friends" (or something to that effect), and that we planned to try to make their lives as normal as possible...

I moved into an extra bedroom and started looking for a new job and new place to live. I didn't think it was possible to live on the income I had at the school. I found my current job a few weeks later, and a teacher friend rented me the home that used to belong to her parents. I moved out of our home two months after I'd made the "final decision". My life was changing in ways I never imagined possible.

During this last year and 3 months since I made the decision to leave my husband, I have lived on a roller coaster of emotions. I have battled serious bouts of depression and other health issues as well. The relationship I have with my children has changed drastically, as they didn't understand the reasons why I had to leave (partly because I had shielded them from the reasons in an attempt not to damage their relationship with their father).

One of the reasons I stopped blogging because I was afraid of rejection and judgment. I believe in my heart that I made the right decision, but since I didn't have the one reason to leave that could've possibly left me guilt free, I feared that I would've been ostracized from the blogging community I loved. Therefore, I chose to punish myself.

In the past, blogging had always helped me to heal. I hope that blogging again will bring about new healing as well.

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

**Edited to add, life hasn't been all bad. Notice in the side bar, the new joy of my life, my grandbaby. :)

Time to Catch up! Oh, and some random thoughts...

2009-06-04T10:29:00.003-05:00

Wow, right now I am doing my final duty in ISS for the year! Woohoo!

It has been quite a year and I couldn't have done it without God and prayers from His faithful servants. I honestly don't know how people can do certain jobs without guidance/peace/strength from the Holy Spirit. I definitely know that there is no way I could do my job without those things.

Last week was so incredibly difficult that I honestly wasn't sure I could force myself to come into work this week. I had kids cuss at me and disrespect me in ways that really taxed my spirit. There were two buses driving kids home from school that had windows shot out of them (and a little girl I've known her entire life had her head leaned against the bottom half of a window that had the top half shot out!). And Friday morning there was some sort of strong chemical odor in ISS that left me feeling dizzy/strange for quite a while...very scary (don't know if a kid did that or not). Needless to say, I am ready for summer!

So now I am looking forward to getting caught up on my bible study (makes me smile just to think about it), cleaning my house (doesn't make me smile quite as much), and generally having some fun time.

My youngest daughter is graduating high school on Saturday. I honestly haven't had time to fully process that in my mind, so at some point my friends/family may see me break down in tears at what that means.

My husband's paycheck is still being cut by 25% (I think I'd mentioned that before) and so we haven't been able to get K a graduation gift, or her birthday gift from April either. K isn't too happy about that. Of course, neither am I. D said he might have some extra on his paycheck today (crossing my fingers that I see a larger number in the bank account when I check it later today).

Next week things should be so much easier. Please God make it so...

God Made Me a Birthday Cake

2009-05-20T10:16:00.003-05:00

God made me a birthday cake!! Could there be anything cooler?!?

Today is my birthday. Usually, I spend my day being sad because the people who are supposed to love me the most sometimes don't even remember that it is the day that our society deems as your special day. And it wouldn't be so bad really, but people always ask the question I hate...what did he/she/they do for you? Or...what did you get? Or..where did you go? Or all of the afore mentioned questions. My mother seldom even remembers to call me...and I'm her first born! And it gets old having to answer "oh nothing, but that's ok". Because it's usually not ok. People give me that look that says they feel sorry for me and it leaves me wondering..why doesn't my family value me? Do they love me?

But enough of that whining! That's not why I'm writing this post. I'm writing it because I just have to tell you what my heavenly Father did for me today.

This morning I felt strong. I had resolved that it really was ok if my mom didn't call me (that's the thing that usually hurts most). I reminded myself that God has given me SO many other family members that do love me, mainly my sisters in Christ. I have several "moms" that make sure I'm taken care of. Most people only have one!

I had also decided that even if no one else was going to take care of me, then I would. If I wanted a pineapple upside down cake (my favorite cake in the world that my mom used to make), then I was just going to have to go home and make it myself. After all, I love to cook anyway. So I decided to make it a great day.

Then it happened. I was walking through the hall with my daughter and my friend Elsie saw us. She joked with us asking if we had hall passes and my daughter said that I didn't have to have a pass today because it's my birthday. Elsie, an incredibly amazing woman of God (and one of my "moms") excitedly told me happy birthday and gave me a big hug. Then she said "Oh! You should go get some of the cake that I made. It's in the teacher workroom. I don't know why I made it, just because... It's a pineapple upside down cake".

Thank you my heavenly daddy for remembering my birthday. Thank you for Elsie who you used as your instrument to make me a cake. It was sooooo yummy! Thank you for reminding me how much you love me. I love you too!!!

Editing to add...

If that had been it, it would have been amazing enough. Even though it really was going to be ok if my mom forgot my birthday, it still would've been better if she had remembered. And she did. Not only that, but when she called to wish me a happy birthday she said she needed to bring something over to my house. A few minutes later she showed up at my door with a warm out of the oven pineapple upside down cake (I honestly didn't not think she remembered that it was my favorite...and it was SO good!), a card and money to get myself a gift. I already thought I'd been blessed enough, but God chose to multiply my blessings. Our God truly is an AWESOME God!

Just another benefit of my measly paycheck...

2009-05-15T14:34:00.004-05:00

I LOVE my job. It may not always seem like it considering some of my posts, but I really do. I always wanted to be a teacher, since I was very young. And while I know that I could've done it had I motivated myself to do so, for now anyway, I'm "just an aide". When I started this job last year, I had plans of eventually finishing college, getting my degree, and getting a "real" teaching job. But these days, more and more, I feel like I'm exactly where God wants me to be.

I am a special education inclusion aide. Inclusion kids are the ones who need a little extra help, but can still function, for the most part, in a regular education classroom. As an aide I fill in the gaps when the regular inclusion teacher can't be there. I am an extra person in the classroom while the main teacher teaches. And it doesn't really matter if I know the subject matter or not. In fact, last year I was learning (or re-learning) right along with the kids.

I travel from classroom to classroom all over the school, but mostly I work with 6th graders. However, if there is a need for a warm body somewhere else in the school, I'm one of the first ones they call to fill in there too...like doing the breaks for the person who works in ISS (in school suspension) or working in ISS all day like today. So I never really know for sure what I'm going to be doing or where I'm going to be doing it. And in a way, that's very cool. It's kind of like the job of being a child of God. I never know where the boss or the Big Boss will send me.

God has taught me more than I can even tell you since I've worked here. I've learned that I can make plans, but that doesn't mean my plans will actually come to fruition. I've learned about humility because I'm not the lead teacher and therefore don't get to make decisions about how a child is taught. I've learned that God can often use me in ways I never would have thought about. I've learned to focus on God and have peace even in some scary situations. "Ok, you'll be with the boy with the ankle bracelet today (police monitoring device) and don't touch him because he might haul off and hit you. Oh, and don't call him sweetie or dear or anything like that because that makes him angry too" (that's what I heard my very first day on the job). I've learned that when I worry that I'm not going to be able to do enough to help someone, it's not about what I can do. I've learned that it's about what God can do.

In the last 2 years I have been blessed beyond measure. By the grace of God, I have been able to show respect in the face of disrespect allowing me to calm down angry children. The Holy Spirit has led me to pray with and encourage teachers who are frustrated and overwhelmed. The love God has for me has inspired me to love and pray for children who can be the hardest to love. The joy that God has put into my heart has spilled out helping others to smile and feel better and earning me the nickname "Joy Fairy" by one of my students. I've experienced all of this and so much more as a result of where God has placed me.

My job doesn't pay much. It won't even cover my house payment. Thankfully, God has given my husband an income that will cover most of our bills. But it's like I say when the teachers talk about the mounds of papers to grade, paperwork required to be done by the school, and parent meetings...each of the things listed in the paragraph above are..."just another benefit of my measly paycheck".

ISS

2009-05-05T15:37:00.003-05:00

Can't I just let them all (all 26!) go home early today since they've been so nice (yeah right...lol)?

NOT!

After almost 2 1/2 hours in this room, I am really glad this day is about over!

Germophobia

2009-05-01T10:20:00.003-05:00

Germophobia: An apprehension concerning germs. Someone who has such a concerns is often referred to as a "germophobe" or "mysophobe". This phobia's concentration is on the destructive nature of germs, bacteria and other microbes.

That's the way it is defined on Germophobic.net (I hate putting a dot after dot net, so I am adding parentheses here). I just found out there is such a site..lol.

I haven't always been a germophobe. I think it's really only since I've worked in the school system that I have given myself that new label. Working with kids, particularly special ed. kids, can give you a whole new perspective on how germy your surroundings can be. I see the way kids cough or sneeze without covering their mouths and noses. I wonder sometimes if their parents ever taught them how to cover their faces, and then I remember my own 17 yr. old daughter who doesn't always do so.

This week has the germophobe in me especially aware though. Swine flu is all over the news. A school district that borders ours has shut down completely. And here I sit on potty patrol (thank you Lord this is the last day!!!) which means I occasionally have to go into the girls' restroom with the girls (to make sure they're not talking about the test). I usually won't step foot into the kids' restroom and this morning I had to go in to check on a girl who was coughing like crazy and telling me she feels horrible. Yes, I feel bad for her, but can you say ICK!?!

One of my co-workers has an allergy cough and I keep saying "get away from me swine flu!" I have my mini-can of Lysol and I'm afraid it may run out before the end of the day. I also have a large bottle of hand sanitizer, which is good because I heard that a CVS completely ran out of hand sanitizer yesterday. I know why!

I have a slight headache and I think my throat is getting scratchy...have I mentioned that I'm also a bit of a hypochondriac?

20 Questions..

2009-04-30T10:15:00.003-05:00

1. Will someone please come rescue me from being on the potty patrol?

2. Will I get swine flu?

3. Was there really enough reason for the district close to us to shut down completely over swine flu?

4. Was that last question rambling and did it make sense?

5. Can these kids really handle another day of silently taking tests?

6. Will the hallways look as C.R.A.Z.Y. when we let them out today as they did yesterday?

7. Will teachers/students really come to school tomorrow if the news about swine flu gets any worse?

8. Will the style of boys wearing their pants sagging half off (or all off) their bottoms ever.go.away.????????

9. Should there be a period after the word "away" in that last sentence before the question mark and would it lose its emphasis if it weren't there?

10. Could my questions get any more random?

11. How many more hours are there till tomorrow at 4pm?

12. Will we all float away in the rain we're having now?

13. Should I get up and go into the restroom so that the 3 girls waiting can all go at once?

14. Was I nice enough that I did let the girls go, or are they still waiting?

15. Should I have had one more cup of coffee this morning?

16. Do teachers want summer vacation more than students?

17. Is there really another hour till lunch time?

18. Will they have real Dr. Pepper when lunches are delivered today, or just diet?

19. Is hand sanitizer enough after picking up that restroom pass that dropped on the floor just now?

20. Was this the most incredibly boring post ever?

This Week

2009-04-28T10:19:00.004-05:00

~~It's the MOST wonderful time of the year!~~ It's that time of the year when teachers and children alike want to be at school the most! TAKS time! Woohoo! Love it!

And now for the truth...

UGHHHHH...I don't think there is a time that teachers or students in Texas dread more than TAKS time of the year. Ahhh, state mandated testing... Teachers are stressed, hoping and praying they taught the kids well enough for them to pass and kids hope they can remember well enough what they have been taught. Personally, I am really glad I don't have to be in a classroom when testing is happening as I've heard it can be very stressful.

I get to be a restroom monitor, which means I sit next to the restroom and make sure only one child goes in at a time to make sure they don't discuss the test. I'm on the potty patrol. And that's where I'll be for the rest of today, tomorrow, Thursday and Friday, all.day.long.

It's going to be a long, long week. But hey, at least there will be time for blogging!

Ughhhh...

2009-04-22T10:29:00.002-05:00

I have so much I want to blog about, but the kids in ISS are being rather difficult.. Not much time for blogging for me today during work. Then I get to go see my son in a play tonight (super cool beans! can't wait!), so probably no time tonight either.

Check out part of my great news here though.

Lately...

2009-04-16T10:24:00.002-05:00

I just can't seem to get a post done. It's not like I don't have a thousand things going on I could write about. I certainly do! My husband's job has been uncertain after we finally thought he'd found something really stable that he really like doing...bummer! I've had several things happen at school, including a B.I.G. "God moment" with a student last week. Every time I start to write, I can't seem to get anything finished. Not sure what's going on with me...

Part of the problem is that we're getting down to the last weeks of school and I am SO very tired. I can't wait for summer! I will miss the kids terribly, but I am ready for a break from them.

Please join me in praying for these kids today, especially for two of them who have been on my heart lately (God knows who they are!).

5 Things I Love About Spring!

2009-03-31T10:09:00.003-05:00

Thought I'd join in with my list after reading Gretchen's the other day.

1. Easter! It wasn't always my favorite holiday. My favorite used to be Christmas. Then about 6 years ago, it dawned on me what "He is risen!" really means. Jesus Christ suffered and died to pay the debt of every sin ever committed, then 3 days later he rose again. And because He chose to do so, we all have an opportunity to spend eternity in heaven.

2. The colors. I love seeing all the colors of spring. Deep purple irises with yellow centers (my favorite flower since I can remember, as far back as 1st grade). The candies, even if I don't eat them, they are still so pretty to look at. The backgrounds for blogs. New green leaves on trees. Yellow baby chicks. I could go on and on...

3. The weather. We usually have an early spring in Texas; it's one of the things I love about my home state. I love, love, love (or maybe that should be lurve) sitting on my back porch drinking coffee early in the morning on a spring day. I even like the thunderstorms that come in Spring, as long as I'm in the safety of my home to watch them.

4. Longer days! The only thing I don't like is the hour of sleep I lose when we "spring forward". I love it that there is still sunshine even after we've eaten dinner. That's when my hubby and I love to sit out on our back porch and talk and enjoy a cool breeze.

5. A sense of renewal. Springtime makes me feel like I can have a fresh start, so much more than New Year's does. When I see the grass growing again and the trees with new leaves, it inspires me to get started again on the things that have become stagnant in my life. Rains come and then the sun shines, nurturing new plants and in turn, nurturing my soul.

Yes, Spring is by far my favorite season!

Exciting News!

2009-03-23T14:10:00.003-05:00

After over a month of keeping my mouth shut (who knew I could do that?) about the fact that I knew my oldest daughter's boyfriend E was going to propose to her, it has finally happened. E had invited my husband and me to dinner to ask us our blessing back in February. Then Saturday night, at a small concert with quite a few of their friends, E totally shocked M when he had a song dedicated to her. He had planned ahead of time with the singer for him to change the name in a song called "Marry Me, Mary" to say M's name instead. How sweet is that??? I've told this story probably 20 times today and every time I get tears in my eyes. I'm thrilled at the prospect of having E be part of our family and also thrilled that my daughter is so happy.

Also this weekend, K had her senior pictures taken. We used a photographer who had been recommended by my best friend. She did such a great job, especially considering this is the child who simply doesn't understand why anyone would smile without a good reason. The photographer only has a small amount of the pictures online for viewing, but I've already seen one with K's real smile. I am so glad we chose this photographer!

Today was the first day back to work after Spring Break and I'm still not feeling great, but I'm getting there. By lunch time, I was really ready for a nap. So I figure I will crash the moment I get home, hopefully to get a nap in before dinner time.

Still trying to get better...

2009-03-20T15:57:00.003-05:00

It's not like I haven't been trying to take care of myself. I've spent the majority of every day since Saturday either in the recliner or the bed. I've taken all my medicine like a good girl. I've been drinking plenty of fluids. I don't think I've ever slept so much during a week in my entire life. And I've done all of that while looking at all the mounds of laundry/dishes/dusting/etc. that I hoped to catch up on during my Spring "Break"....

After 3 1/2 days on antibiotics, I was getting worse. Fever, chills, more coughing, and my left lung hurt. So I hauled my sick self back to the doctor (this time to one of the doctors in the same group as my regular doc). He listened to my chest and said it didn't sound so good, so I went for x-rays. And the verdict is...... pneumonia. More yuck.

So I started on a stronger antibiotic, and a stronger cough medicine as of Wednesday afternoon. I think it's helping. I haven't had as much fever and I actually slept through time to take cough/pain meds this morning.

Maybe I will be just well enough to go to work Monday morning??? I'm going back to sleep...

Sure not what I had planned...

2009-03-14T13:57:00.004-05:00

I usually consider myself to be a fairly healthy person. Yes, I'm overweight, I have high blood pressure (did even when I was in MUCH better shape though), I have thyroid disease, and I have a really weird heart problem. Still, I have always thought of my self as healthy. I'm definitely a "glass half full" kinda girl, I guess.

Lately, even though I have an optimistic nature, I've begun to wonder...am I really a healthy person? I have been almost constantly sick since the beginning of the year. I had a stomach virus that lasted a week to start off the year. A couple of weeks later, I had the flu and that took me weeks before I really felt fully recovered. Then I had maybe two weeks where I felt good again. Then I started coughing Friday before last, but it seemed like I got over the worst of that pretty quickly. I never completely stopped coughing though, and now I'm coughing worse..like the hacking up a lung, rattling chest type of coughing. Ughhh...

I hate going to the doctor. And it's the weekend. And I don't know where there is a clinic open close to me. And my family is off camping all weekend. Still, I think I'm going to have to find a doctor somewhere.

This is so totally not how I wanted to start my spring break...

Updating to say that I did go to a clinic. They did blood work and said that I have a bacterial infection (respiratory), so I'm on antibiotics and cough medicine now. Glad I went, so that maybe I can get better soon and actually enjoy spring break. :)

Checking In

2009-03-12T13:58:00.002-05:00

Just checking in to say I've missed blogland this week! I've been assisting with state testing all week long. Consequently, I haven't been doing my usual duty in ISS and haven't had time to blog. That's ok though, because in a little more than 24 hours, spring break starts!!!!! Till then... :)

Hurt

2009-03-03T20:13:00.004-06:00

Why is it that I let certain things bring me down so fast? I can be feeling great in one moment, but then something relatively minor happens and I feel so depressed...especially when it comes to my mother.

I called my mother this evening, half out of obligation since it's been a while. I only got to talk to her for a couple of minutes before K called. K really needed to talk to me about something, so I told mom I'd call her back in a few minutes. Fifteen minutes later I called mom back (and after the talk with K, I really needed to talk to my mom) and I got the question "Don't you watch American Idol?" I told her yes...she laughed this weird laugh she does sometimes (maybe because she knows it's not right what she's doing?) and we got off the phone. The thing I don't get is that she had to have noticed the frustration (and the big sigh) in my voice when I called back. So why isn't it important enough to her to find out why? Why is American Idol more important?

I was reading a book today by Max Lucado called The Great House of God. In it, he talks about our redemption and adoption as children of God, how much He cares for us. Like any adoptive parent, "God sought you, found you, signed the papers, and took you home". As I read the book, I smiled and my eyes teared up as I thought about how very thankful I am that I am God's child. And part of the reason that means so much to me is that I have struggled so much with things my earthly parents have done.

It hurts to be essentially told I'm not as important as a television show. It's one of those times when I cling to God. I cling to scripture. I cling to the words of Christian authors. I cling to music and lyrics of people who understand how painful this world can be. Then I am reminded that it won't always be this way.

There Will Be a Day
Jeremy Camp

I try to hold on to this world with everything I have
But I feel the weight of what it brings, and the hurt that tries to grab
The many trials that seem to never end, His word declares this truth,
that we will enter in this rest with wonders anew

But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings
That there will be a place with no more suffering

(Chorus)
There will be a day with no more tears,
no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place,
will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we'll hold on to you always

I know the journey seems so long
You feel you’re walking on your own
But there has never been a step
Where you’ve walked out all alone

Troubled soul don’t lose your heart
Cause joy and peace he brings
And the beauty that’s in store
Outweighs the hurt of life’s sting

But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings

That there will be a place with no more suffering

(Chorus)

I can’t wait until that day where the very one I’ve lived for always
will wipe away the sorrow that I’ve faced
To touch the scars that rescued me from a life of shame and misery
this is why this is why I sing

(Chorus)

Romans 8:18 (New International Version)

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.

Amazing - Day 5

2009-02-28T11:20:00.003-06:00

It's amazing what the Lord can do if you just let Him. Today is day five of the challenge I have been working on, to get up and spend quiet time with God daily. I guess I shouldn't be shocked (but of course, I am) that I'm beginning to feel differently. My thinking seems different. My mood is different. I feel closer to my Lord.

It was such a drudgery (ooh, hate to even use that word, but it's true) to get up, to focus, to do what I knew I needed to be doing. But I forced myself (thank you Lord for the strength) to get out of the bed and read my Bible and pray and listen to the music that helps me to worship God.

I have decided to make it my goal to have my quiet time for 30 days straight. Again, hard to put that out here, but I know God will help me to do it.

Philippians 4:13 (New International Version)
I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Day Three

2009-02-26T10:17:00.004-06:00

Today was day three of my challenge to get up early to have some "God time". It was the hardest day so far, mostly because I'm struggling with something right now. And I was having a hard time this morning, focusing on God and not on the problem. Maybe that's why He led me to be doing this in the first place, because He knew I'd be struggling so much right now.

I have been getting something out of my time in the mornings though. For brief moments, I have been able to lift up my hands in worship while I sing and feel his presence. I have listened to music like Casting Crowns song "The Altar and the Door" and I can relate so much to the lyrics. I have read things, like Psalm 8 and really felt what the words say.

Thank you Lord for calling me to worship you.

A Challenge

2009-02-23T10:08:00.004-06:00

Do you ever have those times when you want to take on a challenge, but you're afraid you will fail, so you just drop the idea? Jess, in taking on a challenge, has inspired me to challenge myself as well. The thought came to my mind yesterday that I should take on the challenge of actually spending quiet time with God every morning (I know, what a concept, right?). And the fear that I would fail came instantly with it, because I am sooooo not a morning person. Then I hear God whisper to me, all things are possible with Him...

Mark 10:27 (New International Version)
Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God."

Still, as I type this, it makes me sick at my stomach because I don't want to fail. If I don't post this, I can just pretend that the thought never crossed my mind. I don't want to let Him down. Fear of failure. And then I remember that this fear is not of Him...

Romans 8:15 (New International Version)
For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father."

Father, please help me to be disciplined enough with myself that I will go to bed at a decent hour, so that I can wake up and spend time with you. You know how much I need that.

It's not about me.

2009-02-22T15:13:00.003-06:00

Psalm 40:8 (New International Version)
"I desire to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart."

I went to church this morning. My church. I think it had been 5 weeks since I've been. A couple of weeks I missed because M had been in the hospital and a couple of weeks because of the flu. Then last week, I went to a different church because one of the kiddos I work with at school was baptized. So finally today I got to be where I know I belong, in spite of the fact I don't always feel like I belong.

The church I go to is very different from many churches. It's a "biker church". It's a place where a homeless person fresh off the street would feel comfortable (and has as I've seen with my own eyes). It's a place where you can feel comfortable if you just got out of prison. In fact, from what the pastor says, we have several members who have been in prison before (not that I know all their stories to know who they are). You don't have to worry if you have the "right" kind of clothes or hair or car. It's the kind of church where I imagine Jesus would have fit right in...a place where you truly can "come as you are". It is a church that often makes me think of these verses:

Matthew 9:9-13 (New International Version)
9As Jesus went on from there, he saw a man named Matthew sitting at the tax collector's booth. "Follow me," he told him, and Matthew got up and followed him. 10While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew's house, many tax collectors and "sinners" came and ate with him and his disciples. 11When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, "Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and 'sinners'?" 12On hearing this, Jesus said, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. 13But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."

There are so many things I love about my church, but honestly, I don't always feel comfortable there. I'm so totally not a biker (I'm not sure you could get me on a motorcycle). I've never been in trouble with the law. I've never been homeless (thank God). I usually fit in a little better with the college graduate crowd (even though I didn't go to college)...not that I really fit in there either. And this morning I was thinking again about the fact that I don't really feel like I fit in. I have friends at church, but not close friends. For some reason, I never really feel like I fit in anywhere. So sometimes I wonder if I should try out a new church...

This morning, our pastor preached an amazing message about love (1 Corinthians, chapter 13) and talked about how we should be loving the way Jesus does if we know Him. He talked about how Jesus kept on loving us in spite of the horrible way He was treated. Pastor talked about the way Jesus didn't react violently against others no matter what they did to him. All the way to the cross.

When the service was over, I heard a voice behind me say "Mrs. C!" I turned around to see a girl I know from the school where I work. She asked me where my daughter was (M was her math teacher last year) and I let her know that M usually goes to another church. Then she gave me a hug (I think I hugged her 3 times actually). I was so excited to see her there and the reason was that she's not someone I expected to see at church. She's a pretty troubled kid and she's had a rough time in school...enough so that she's had to spend a lot of time in alternative school. She has a habit of reacting, sometimes violently, to others when she feels like she's been mistreated.

After the girl walked away, I was overwhelmed and began to cry. I thought about the fact that the message that was preached was one that couldn't have been better for her to hear. I thought about the fact that she most likely felt more comfortable there than she would've in some churches...at least I hoped so anyway. And I cried happy tears as I was reminded why this is my church.

When I walked out the door of the church, the girl was walking back in with a couple of friends. She said "bye Mrs. C, I love you!". I told her I loved her too. I pray that she heard something that will help her to give her life to Jesus. I also pray that I will see her there again next week.

I remembered how I had started out with a whiny attitude this morning because I felt like I didn't fit in. I had been complaining (if only in my head) about my own feelings. I had forgotten that it's not really about me. It's about Jesus and what I'm willing to do for Him. My fitting in doesn't matter nearly as much as being where He wants me to be.

I am so blessed to have been where He wanted me to be this morning. Thank you Lord.

One of my all time favorite praise songs!

2009-02-21T10:31:00.002-06:00

Randomness...

2009-02-20T10:24:00.003-06:00

One of the kids at school pushed a button for me this morning. The kind where you feel the anger rising up in you. The kind where you may find yourself to be shaking afterward because of the adrenaline. I don't think I dis-respected her in how I spoke to her though...maybe a tiny bit. Whew...glad it's Friday...

How many times should I say "sit up", "wake up", or other such phrases out in ISS (as opposed to in the regular classroom setting) before giving an office referral?

I'm feeling more connected to God lately, and as a result I've been in a much better mood.

Tonight I'm going out to dinner with my hubby again. :)

Should I really clean house this weekend? Or spend more time resting?

Why is it that some people work so hard and never feel like they've done enough, while others barely work at all and seem to think they've done more than their share?

I wonder, which one of the aforementioned am I really?

It is absolutely beautiful today here in Dallas...why can't we move the desks outside and have school out there???? Whaaaa.

I really hope that I make a difference in the lives of some of the kids I work with...

I love my job, but wow, I am so glad it's FRIDAY!!!!! Thank you Lord for weekends!!

What is your greatest struggle?

2009-02-18T10:06:00.003-06:00

2 Timothy 1:7 (New International Version)
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.

Self-discipline. I don't even like hearing the words. My greatest struggle having to do with self-discipline, it seems, is in taking care of myself the way I know that I am supposed to do. I don't eat the way I should. I don't sleep the way I should. Just about every day I do something and I know I would've been better off had I not done it.

I almost never go to bed before 11:30. Then I'm tired the next day. I tell my kids that they won't be so tired if they will go to bed at a decent hour. It is one of those "do as I say, not as I do" things. However, last night I went to bed at 9:00pm. That is a victory for me! So, knowing that I feel better today, will I do the same tonight? We'll see...

Help me Lord to learn to have more self-discipline. Help me to show my children, that with Your help, this can be done.

What about you? What is your greatest struggle?

Facebook

2009-02-12T13:55:00.002-06:00

Oh my goodness, it wasn't easy to convince me to even use it, but now I am so addicted to facebook! My kids kept telling me how great it was, and now I'm one of the many who agree. It's because of facebook that my children can no longer be guaranteed a home cooked meal (oh, the horror!).

Last night on facebook I talked to my favorite cousin (actually favoritest cousin in the world!). I talked to my sister-in-law, who I haven't spoken to in years. And I talked to my 2nd cousin, once removed (believe me, it took some serious thinking to figure that out).

Partially because of facebook, I now have pretty conclusive evidence that I am a descendant of the Waldensians, a Christian sect that was driven almost entirely out of France in the early years of protestantism. I've been able to figure this out because I have compiled information from a few sources. Between conversations, I also talked to my dad and he pulled out genaeology records, helping me to figure out my ancestors back to 1866! How fun is that!

I guess it's a good thing I'm in ISS right now (and the kids are being good right now! yeah!) or there would be no time left for blogging.

Ok, back to my regular job now. Have a great day!

Jesus, I want to be more like you...

2009-02-10T10:12:00.004-06:00

I really do want to be more like Jesus. He is the ultimate respector of people. Jesus allows us to make our own decisions, bad or good, and then we suffer our own consequences. He's not the type to rant at us, the way we sometimes do with our children. He respects our free will in decisions to do whatever we decide to do.

I sit here in ISS (in school suspension) and I try so hard to be respectful, even in the face of disrespect. Some of these kids know nothing about respect. They don't know how to give it, nor what it is like to receive it much. On a good day, I remind myself of what their lives must be like. Most have parents that don't care and many of their teachers have for the most part, given up on them. So to respect them is the least I can do if I expect others to see Christ reflected in me.

I know that when I do something wrong, Jesus wouldn't be one to yell out "geez, what an idiot!" So I don't want to be a person who even thinks that, much less says it out loud. I know that my thoughts show on my face. Respect is what I am trying to teach these children, if nothing else. And wow, sometimes that is not easy...especially with kids who are constantly difficult. That's when I have to use prayer, a LOT of prayer.

Please Lord, help me to show more of You and less of me in how I treat all the people around me, not just the ones who are dealt with easily.

Calling Prayer Warriors

2009-02-09T10:25:00.002-06:00

Please join me in praying for a student at the school where I work. She is a 6th grader and just told me she will be out most of this week because she has to testify against someone who has wronged her. I know what it's like to be wronged, but thankfully the only time I ever had to testify against someone was for something very minor. Even that was stressful though. I can't even imagine the stress of an 11 year old child having to testify in court like that...

Please also pray for two sweet brothers (one 6th grade, one 7th grade) who lost both a grandmother and their father within a 24 hour period. What a trial for their poor family!

What is my problem?

2009-02-07T14:38:00.002-06:00

I just can't seem to figure it out. I used to have all these deep thoughts in my head (well, deep for me anyway...). I used to feel inspired to come here and write about what I was thinking. It seems like so long since I have felt that way.

Lately I just go through my day. Go to work. Come home and fix dinner. Watch t.v. Go to bed. Repeat.

I try to get myself to read scripture and I do read a little bit most days, but it feels forced. I'm doing it because I know I should. I don't get the WOW feeling I used to get.

Maybe part of it is that it has been so long since I felt really well. I had a stomach virus at the beginning of January and I don't think my body fully recovered by the time I came down with the flu at the end of January. I was off work for a whole week (all the time unable to go see M in the hospital), but I'm still coughing and my voice is gone. I can't remember the last time I didn't feel physically exhausted. I guess the exhaustion transfers to my mind as well.

Today I've been listening to worship songs on my ipod all day. Wishing I could really sing along with them. Trying to feel connected. Trying not to do too much work, even though my house is a wreck.

Even so, I am thankful that:

1. M is feeling much better.

2. The rest of my family is healthy.

3. Our financial situation is getting better.

4. D and I get to go hang out with our friends at bunco tonight.

5. My Ruby dog is cuddled up next to me in my recliner right now.

6. I have a job I love.

7. I have friends at work I love to talk to.

8. I have a home and a car and so much more than a great percentage of the world.

9. I have a nice computer.

10. I have an ipod with 330 songs on it (almost all praise and worship!)

Praising Him...

Suzanne :)

Praise be to God!

2009-01-31T15:09:00.002-06:00

Thank you so much for all your prayers on our behalf. We appreciate them more than you know. M began to improve pretty quickly over the last couple of days, after a wait that seemed like forever. The newest medication they have her on seems to be doing its job and she was allowed to go home today!!! She will need to be on steroids for a month or so, plus the other medications to make sure she doesn't relapse, but it looks like things are under control. Thank God!!

M will have to watch what she eats. So I plan on making her some of her favorite chicken and dumplings this weekend (fits perfectly into what she's allowed to eat). She's been wanting me to make them for a while anyway.

The rest of us here at home have been working on recovering from the flu. I'm mostly well, but this stuff has me really exhausted even after a week. So I'm trying to take it easy. Hopefuly everyone else will be well in the next couple of days too.

Weary

2009-01-29T10:08:00.002-06:00

Isaiah 40:29 (New International Version)
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.

Lord, I need your strength and power now. I am so weary.

M is still in the hospital. It's been and up and down kind of thing. One day things will seem somewhat better and the next day we'll be back to the previous step. Hopefully, what the doctors are giving her now will be the thing that works. They are saying if something doesn't work soon, they may have to do surgery to remove part of her colon. Please please help me in praying that that doesn't have to happen.

To complicate matters, I haven't been able to see M since last Saturday because I have had the flu. I had to miss Monday and Tuesday from work, plus yesterday was an ice day (so at least I didn't have to use another sick day). When I called her yesterday, she seemed pretty down in the dumps. It stinks that I wasn't there to give her a hug when she said cried saying she just wants to go home.

I am at work today, but I'm so weak. I have to go see M today after work. I can't go another day without seeing her. The rest of my family is home sick with the flu now, so I guess I will try to take care of them this evening as best I can...

Help me Lord to be stronger.

Scary Stuff

2009-01-25T14:36:00.002-06:00

2 Thessalonians 1:3-5 (New International Version)
3We ought always to thank God for you, brothers, and rightly so, because your faith is growing more and more, and the love every one of you has for each other is increasing. 4Therefore, among God's churches we boast about your perseverance and faith in all the persecutions and trials you are enduring.

5All this is evidence that God's judgment is right, and as a result you will be counted worthy of the kingdom of God, for which you are suffering.

It's been a little scary this past week, but it seems like M is finally starting to make the turn-around to feeling better. Yesterday the doctors decided that she needed to have a blood transfusion (that'll make you a little nervous, I tell ya). She had still just been losing too much blood. They also started her on clear liquids to see how she reacted to them. She has done ok since then, so she's continued having things like broth and jello today. I talked to her this morning and she seems to have more energy.

A couple of days ago I reminded M that we never know why we're going through the things we do or how God may use them to witness to others. She seemed to know that already. She is such a beautiful witness in how she lives her life. I am so thankful to have her as my daughter.

M...

2009-01-20T14:56:00.004-06:00

M has been diagnosed with ulcerative colitis and started on medication for it last Thursday. By Sunday evening, she was feeling even worse than she had. She had not been able to keep anything in her system and was struggling to keep dehydrated. Finally, Sunday night she decided to go to the E.R. It seems that the medication they initially put her on isn't doing her any good (and may have actually made her somewhat worse), so she is now in the hospital.

The doctors tell us that this is something that can definitely be managed, but that it is going to take some time to get it under control. The estimate they have given us at this point is that she will be in the hospital for 5 to 7 days. Problem is, after nearly two days she is still not responding to what they're doing for her.

*Sigh*...I just want my baby to feel better...and soon.

Being a mom is not for the faint of heart...

2009-01-16T10:03:00.006-06:00

Psalm 63:1-3 (New International Version)
1 O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. 2 I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. 3 Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.

This has been one of the most difficult weeks I can remember. Not only have things been difficult at work as it is testing week, but my oldest daughter who teaches where I work has been very sick. She's been having problems with her digestive system for quite a while. Now she is anemic and dehydrated and feels terrible. She has had to miss three days of work, and we're talking about someone who never takes a day off no matter how sick she's been in the past.

M finally had a procedure done to determine the problem on Wednesday and should know very soon exactly what the problem is, and she has been started on meds to help her get better. Still, after a week of medication, she's still not feeling better yet. Plus, I think she told me that she's lost seventeen pounds in the last month or so.

I think the very most difficult part of having children is when you have a sick child and you can't do anything to make them better except to give your support. I really do know that God is in control, and it seems that things will be ok (eventually), but right now it's just really tough to do this. I have been working so hard to just keep my focus on God, and it has been working. I know that I would be in a MUCH worse place without Him. So I sing my praises and keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Please join me in praying for my daughter.

Praising Him in the valley, but hoping for a mountaintop soon!

UPDATING Saturday to say that I called M today and she seems to finally be feeling somewhat better. Thank you all so much for your prayers!

Brighter Days

2009-01-06T10:08:00.007-06:00

2 Corinthians 12:9 (New International Version)
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

Thank you so much for the kind words and prayers after my last post. I can truly feel your prayers working. Thank you Jenn, for reminding me that we don't always see how we are affecting someone in the present for their future lives. I love having blog friends who care enough to lift me up when I am down. I hope I do the same for you.

I've been having a hard time keeping my focus on God lately. I'm not totally sure why that is. It feels as though I'm trying to see Him through a fog and I'm not sure what's holding me back. I know that He is there, thankfully. I remember a time when I didn't...it makes me shudder to think of that time in my life. I am beginning to get my focus back though. I woke up with a praise song in my head both yesterday and today. Hallelujah! That is actually one of the ways I can tell that I'm doing better.

Routine probably has something to do with why I've been struggling. When I'm off work, I have a tendency to stay up late and sleep late. Instead of planning things to do, I find myself getting bored. I also miss the routine of work, in general (and I miss the kids!). So I was happy to be back at work yesterday.

Another thing that seems to get me sidetracked is the absence of praise and worship music during the Christmas season. Music is the primary way that I hear the Lord speaking to me. And for some reason, Christmas music doesn't always do the same thing for me, even though it is a type of praise music. I miss terribly the music that speaks of our heartache and how God heals that heartache. I love Christmas music, but I'm so glad the radio is back to playing the music that speaks most to my heart. So I guess the Christmas season had me down the way it gets a lot of people down.

Now I'm looking forward to a new year. I kind of used my illness over the holiday to jump start me into eating better. I couldn't eat for a few days really, and once I was well my appetite wasn't as large. Since then I have been more motivated than I have been in a very long time to take better care of my body. That is a blessing in an of itself!

So things are definitely better and I'm very thankful. His grace is sufficient!

Writer's Block

2009-01-04T16:28:00.005-06:00

I guess that's why I haven't posted in a while. I just haven't felt very inspired lately. I'm also tired of the way my life is right now. Tired of raising teenagers (and feeling like such a failure at times). Tired of not having the kind of relationship I want with my husband. Tired of not having the kind of relationship I want with The Lord...

The Christmas holiday went ok, except for the nasty stomach virus(that lasted about 4 days) that K, T, and I all got. I guess D tried to make up for the fact that he didn't acknowledge our 25th anniversary by getting me some nice things for Christmas (an ipod and an under-the-counter cd/radio for my kitchen that I've been putting on my list for 10 years). My kids got basically what they wanted for Christmas too.

I didn't feel like anyone in our family kept in mind what Christmas is really about. I hear about, and read about, those who do wonderful things for others and those whose children know they don't need another thing...that's not my family. My husband never talks about Christ to the kids (unless he feels prodded to do so) and I guess I fell down on the job in not continuing to do it myself this year.

I want (so badly that my heart aches) for my family to know God the way I do. I try really hard not to push it at them though. I know you can't force it. I try so hard to "let my light shine", but end up so often feeling like they're all just thinking "oh, that's just mom...".

My kids are making decisions and forming opinions that I don't think they would if they had the influence that comes from both parents teaching them to live godly lives. I see it especially in my son. Sons are obviously going to try to emulate their fathers. I want my son (and my daughters) to emulate their heavenly Father. I don't like the way my husband is teaching them. It breaks my heart.

I'm also so very frustrated in my marriage in other ways. I'm trying to hard to be the wife God wants me to be. I'm trying to keep letting God change me, not just asking God to change my husband. It's just so hard to keep going sometimes.

Praying that God will renew my strength and refresh my spirit...

Sixteen Days!!!

2008-12-19T13:55:00.004-06:00

Christmas break has begun (I wish the school system still called it that...). I will have 16 days off work. Yes, I still love my job, but there are so many reasons I'm glad to have a few days for things I want/need to do.

1. Christmas shopping! It's a good thing that there are 5 days till Christmas because I have almost nothing done in the gift department. I'm not stressing though..whatever gets done, gets done.

2. Sleeping. I can't wait to have a few days of sleeping late. Actually, I will probably sleep late most of those days, but not today. That's ok, because I got to do item #3.

3. Learn to make tamales!! Love me some tamales! I love to cook and I have always wanted to know how to make them. I was invited to go learn how to make them with my oldest daughter's boyfriend's family. It was my first time to meet E's family and they seem like wonderful people. Plus, they've invited me to come back to help make tamales next year too!

4. Put up the Christmas tree. We finally bought one Thursday night (first chance we had to go look!) and put it up on Friday. We had hot chocolate, crackers, cheese, and summer sausage while we listened to Christmas music (our tradition). Sadly, my teenagers are too old now to think that's cool...so I guess I will have to put on the ornaments myself.

5. Get some serious cleaning done (beginning of the holiday), since my dad and step-mom will be stopping at our house on the way to see some other relatives in a different part of the state.

6. Get some more cleaning done (toward the end of the holiday..house will need it again by then), since we're having bunco at our house on January 8th. Hopefully, I can get something done about the flooring in the livingroom before that. We'll have to see if we have the time or money for that.

7. Bake cookies, maybe cut out sugar cookies with icing. Yummm.

8. Wear jeans. Every.single.day. Yes, even to church (totally fine at our church).

What are you doing?

Brother, can you spare a tree?

2008-12-15T13:51:00.005-06:00

Ahh, the great debate...real or artificial Christmas tree??? We've always had an artificial tree. My parents always had the artificial ones and so did D's parents, plus I don't think a real tree would go well with my allergies. So that's just the way it is in our household.

Last night I finally started to pull out our Christmas decorations. I took down the pictures on the mantle, and placed our beautiful new nativity scene (actually it is a one piece statue of Jesus, Mary and Joseph that I got at our bunco gift exchange, love it!) in the center with some other items. Then I went through the big boxes of ornaments and got rid of the ones I never really liked in the first place. I made sure there was a place ready for the tree and my husband asked T if he would go get it for us.

A minute later, T drug in the box and opened it up. No tree. Empty box. Then we remembered. Last year, the tree we'd had for many years was such a hassle to put up and take down that we decided to just throw it out on the curb with the trash. It apparently never crossed our minds to pull the box out of storage and throw it away too. Our plan was to buy a new tree right after Christmas when they are on sale. I'm not sure why we didn't do that.

So, should you happen to throw out your old artificial Christmas tree...and should you happen to decide not to buy a new one right after Christmas, make sure to find a way to remind yourself that you have no tree for next year. I guess I know what I'll be shopping for tonight.

Today

2008-12-13T10:26:00.004-06:00

What I did this morning:

Drank coffee while reading blogs of some of the most amazing women in the world. God speaks to me in an incredible way through these and the others listed to the right:

Lila's Journey

Casa de Castro

The Perch

Mourning Into Dancing

What I'm doing next:

Searching for college classes since I think I might like to be a "full fledged teacher" some day. I've got a long way to go and I'm not getting any younger, so I'd better get started.

What I'm doing after that:

Getting dressed and driving up to the community college. Editing to say that I'm glad I checked the hours for the college before driving all the way up there. They are evidently already on a holiday schedule and closed on Saturdays. Oh well, that'll give me more time for what's on the list for later.

What I'm doing later:

Getting my house in order
Finding a way to get my kids to help around the house
Shopping online for Christmas presents (hope there's still time for delivery!)
Teaching my husband how to give me a shoulder massage

What are you doing today?

Just had to pop in and say..

2008-12-12T14:07:00.002-06:00

Things are getting better around here. I've put my focus a little more on God and how he's blessed me, and a little less on what my problems are. I thank you all for your prayers and kind words. They mean so very much to me.

It also doesn't hurt that D starts a new job on Monday!!! At the old job, he was hired to do one job and ended up being put into something entirely different. I'm really hopeful that he'll be in a better mood now that his situation is changing. The new job should be a MUCH better fit for him. He will be working with a good friend of his and so he already knows a little bit about how the company works.

The only bad thing is that D was unable to give two weeks notice for various reasons. He's never had to leave a job abruptly like this, so this is very awkward for him. He also has a feeling of failure regarding this job, even though he logically knows that it wasn't his fault. Please take time to say a prayer for him.

Feeling blessed...

There, that's better...

2008-12-10T14:10:00.003-06:00

I just had to have another blog background. The other one was nice, just not for me...and since Gretchen had to steal the one I really wanted, this'll do. :)

Pure Joy?

2008-12-08T10:24:00.005-06:00

I have never read the book called "The Road Less Traveled", but from what I hear, it is a great book. I started to read it once, and I remember that it begins with a profound statement, "Life is difficult". Sometimes I think we get it into our heads that life should be easier. Why do we think that way?

We definitely aren't promised in The Bible that our lives will be easy. In fact, we are told that our lives here on earth may be quite precarious. However, we are told that we should "consider it pure joy" when we face trials, that it develops perseverance (James 1:2-3). What's up with that? Pure joy???

How many of us consider it pure joy to go through tough times? I know I don't. I have a tendency to whine and complain. Sometimes I can let one little thing knock the wind out of my sails. If I don't do a self check and remind myself of what truly matters, I can find myself dwelling on all that's wrong in my life. I sometimes forget how truly blessed I am.

Maybe I should take a cue from my friend Gretchen who does Glatitude Mondays (love those so much Gretchen!!). I need to be focusing on what's right in my life, not what's wrong. So here goes:

1. I have had enough money to pay my bills for some time now. Praise God, I'm blessed to know how great that is since I've experienced times when I struggled so hard to pay them.

2. I don't have to worry about being too hot or too cold in my home as I have A/C and heating that works fine. I experienced times in my life when I didn't have those.

3. My children have never had trouble passing the TAKS Test in school, which can determine whether a child moves on to the next grade. I have seen so many anxious kids work and work to pass it and still fail.

4. I have friends who care about me and encourage me.

5. I have relatively good health.

6. I have a husband who loves me.

7. I have 3 great kids, including an amazing adult daughter who is also a friend.

8. I love my job!

9. I go to a wonderful church.

10. I have a God who loved me enough to send His Son to die for my sins.

Counting my blessings...

If you don't have something nice to say...

2008-12-02T10:13:00.005-06:00

You know the old phrase, "if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all"? Well I guess that has been the theme of my blog here lately. I've been going through a rough time lately and I really don't like to complain all the time, so I've just said nothing. Pretty much the only place I've felt good lately is at work. I really love my job, difficult as it can be, and it has been a respite from what's been going on in my home life.

I know that raising teenagers is a challenge for everyone, and I know that this time will pass. I also know I'll miss my kids terribly when they are no longer in my home, but wow I'm tired of this time right now. I hate that I feel like that.

Things have also been a strain in my marriage. My husband HATES his job and has not been very pleasant to be around for quite some time. Plus, last Tuesday was our 25th anniversary and he did absolutely nothing special to note the occasion. We went out to dinner, but just to a place that is very ordinary for us. And it's not like he didn't know it was important to me that we do something...anything...

I let my husband know I was terribly upset (twice over the course of a few days) about the fact that he doesn't seem to have a romantic bone in his body and that it makes me feel like I'm taken for granted. It honestly makes me wonder how much he really cares about me. He sent me flowers yesterday (6 days after our anniversary), so that's something I guess....

My house is also a complete disaster. I have never been able to get into a routine since I went back to work last year. Since I was a stay-at-home mom for so many years, my kids got used to me doing most things for them. Now that I'm working full time I am SO tired when I get home and can't seem to find the energy to do anything but sit, especially if I go to the effort to actually cook something for dinner.

All of this makes me feel like such a whiner and I am I guess, but it's how I feel. Yes, I do know that there are others out there who have so much more to deal with...I know it could be so much worse. I just want to get back to a place where things don't feel so difficult.

I started this post yesterday and I guess I just needed to get a new perspective. Last night I had a good, long conversation with my mom (that is a blessing in and of itself). We're both going through a couple of things that are similar and I started out talking about how bad things were back in 2002-2004 for me. When I looked back at how difficult things were then (severe depression), I began to see that this time in my life isn't nearly as bad.

I began to realize just how blessed I am, even in the midst of a new difficult time. I don't have the anxiety I had, nor the frequency of panic attacks (now they are very few and far between). I trust God that He does have a purpose for my troubled times even though I stray from his plan for me sometimes. I know that my life is far better now that I do have His peace.

Now I just need to learn to be a little more patient when times are tough and wait for the new mountaintops that will come. Trusting in Him better today...God bless you all!

The Oklahoma Trip

2008-11-21T10:04:00.002-06:00

Things didn't start out as good as I planned. I felt the first scratchiness in my throat Thursday night and by Friday afternoon, my voice was gone and my sinuses were terribly congested. So while I had intended on talking more than listening, it was a listening kind of weekend for me. It was very frustrating for me, since I love to talk more than most anybody, but I still had fun.

When we first got to Seminole, we decided to go visit Pam's dad in the nursing home. My heart broke when I realized that I couldn't hug him since I was afraid I had a cold and certainly didn't want to pass it on to him. As sick as he is, I doubt I will have a chance to see him again, so I am glad we went. It was so hard to see him like that though.

Friday night Pam's brother Eddie made us the most amazing pizza with pepperoni, sausage and jalapenos! Yummm! We sat around and talked and laughed. I was able to get myself to go to bed much earlier than usual (most times we stay up till 2:00 or 3:00am and then get up at 7:00) since I wasn't feeling that well and really needed the sleep.

The next morning we drove 2 hours to Tulsa to do our "shopping"...there actually wasn't much shopping going on (as I had expected). At lunch time we decided on Mexican food (love it!), and I got to sit next to my favorite Oklahoma sister, Annie. Then we went to the mall for more shopping.

That evening we found out that sister Lisa's teenage son had an infection in his hand (back in Seminole) and needed to go to the E.R. As a result, it looked like we would have to go back to Seminole rather than stay at the hotel with the other girls. Thankfully, we got word a little while later that the doctors said that Lisa's son was going to be ok, so we decided it would be alright to stay in Tulsa for the night.

I was thrilled to get to spend more time with the group that had already spent the night before in Tulsa. While I didn't get to have much actual conversation with them, it was still fun to hang out and listen to their stories. We were laughing so loudly in the hotel room that I was afraid someone would complain, but thankfully no one did.

Sunday we headed back to Seminole, said goodbye to the ones that were there, and headed back to Dallas. We all made it back safely and I'm glad we were able to make our trip again. I look forward to next year and hope that then I will stay well enough to TALK.

4 More Days!!!

2008-11-10T10:06:00.005-06:00

Only 4 more days till I leave for my girls' weekend! This will be year 18 for me. Every year my best friend Pam (and sometimes another friend) and I travel to Oklahoma for our yearly shopping trip. So I've asked for Friday off from work, as have Pam and another friend, Maria. And while everyone else is slaving away at work, we will be driving and talking and talking some more.

First we travel to tiny little Seminole, Oklahoma to see Pam's mom, dad and siblings. Pam is one of 18 children (yes, you read right, 18!). She has 10 sisters and 7 brothers. And I just can't even express how much I love all of them. They have "adopted" me into their family (what's one more, huh?) and have been such a blessing in my life. Pam's dad is so special to me that I even named my son after him (T's middle name). And her mom is one of the kindest and most gentle women I have ever known in my life. I have never met people quite like her family.

Friday night we have plans to hang out and play games with some of my favorite siblings. I'm sure we'll stay up way too late, but we always have SO much fun. I can hear Pam's brother Danny (who truly is more an uncle to my kids than my own brother) laughing even as I think about it. Her brother Eddie is supposed to make us his famous homemade pizza (yum!). Lisa will also be there and she always brings life to the party as well. Lisa might even bring along her kiddos who I dearly love.

Some of the girls (Pam's sisters and maybe a niece or two) are planning to stay in Tulsa at a hotel on Friday night while we are in Seminole. Saturday morning Pam, Maria, Lisa and I will load up and drive to Tulsa (about a 2 hour drive) for the shopping!!! Well of course the shopping isn't the part that is most fun. Seeing the rest of the girls is! I haven't heard who all is going to be there yet, but there are about 4 who never miss the trip. I can't wait to get my hugs from Annie, Mary, Patti and Kathleen!

Once in Tulsa, we will shop till we drop and we will no doubt shock some waitress at lunch with the size of our group. Most fun of all, once the shopping is done, we are planning to stay at the hotel with the other girls Saturday night for a slumber part of sorts. We have always wanted to do this, but it's never really worked out before and we've always driven the two hours back to Seminole after shopping. Even as tired as we always are, the drive has always been fun because of the wonderful conversation, but I'm really excited about the slumber party instead.

Can you tell I'm excited?!?

A meme should be easy to get done, right?

2008-11-06T10:21:00.004-06:00

Since I haven't had much time to do a "real" post lately...a meme should be easy (actually editing to say that even this post took me a day and a half to get done...busy, busy, busy!)..., so ok Gretchen, I'll play too: one-word-answers please. Let me know if you're going to do it too. :)

1. Where is your cell phone? pocket

2. Your significant other? reliable

3. Your hair? twisted

4. Your mother? challenge

5. Your Father? forgiven

6.. Your favorite thing? helping

7.Your dream last night? none

8. Your favorite drink? Dr. Pepper

9. Your dream/goal? heaven

10. The room you're in? ISS

11. Your fear? incompletion

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? closer

13. Where were you last night? game

14. What you're not? shy

15. Muffins? chocolate

16. One of your wish list items? ipod

17. Where you grew up? Texas

18. The last thing you did? teach

19. What are you wearing? jeans!!

20. Your TV? old

21. Your Pets? messy

22. Your Computer? essential

23.Your life? amazing

24. Your mood? satisfied

25. Missing someone? Grandpa

26. Your car? blue

27. Something you're not wearing? earrings (and I have to say I hate that I forgot them today!!!)

28. Favorite Store? Kohl's

29. Your summer? HOT

30. Your favorite color? purple

31. When is the last time you laughed? today

32. Last time you cried? Thursday

33. FOUR PLACES I GO OVER AND OVER: Work, Grocery Store, Sonic Drive In, Taco Bell

34. FOUR OF MY FAVORITE FOODS: Mexican, pasta, brownies, fresh veggies

35. FOUR PLACES I WOULD RATHER BE RIGHT NOW: Nashville, The Ozarks, Paris (France, not Texas), Hawaii

Stranger Things Have Happened???

2008-10-31T20:52:00.002-05:00

This morning I woke to find out that there had been a couple of earthquakes in the middle of the night...yup, in Texas. Believe it. Or not. It's not like it's never happened before, it's just that I've never heard of one here. Plus, the epicenters of the two that are being talked about most are within a couple of miles of my home. I guess like thunderstorms though, I just slept right on through them.

Tonight as I was driving home from shopping with my kids, I had to drive over a bridge that is quite high in the air, the kind that is part of a mixmaster of highway intersections. Knowing that there were earthquakes here this morning, had me re-thinking the decision to be on a bridge that high. I managed not to panic and made it off the bridge and home safely.

How big were these quakes, you may ask? The biggest was a 3.1 on the Richter scale. Yeah yeah, I can hear you California people laughing at me...

Trust

2008-10-26T14:00:00.003-05:00

Proverbs 3:5-6 (New International Version)
5Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

This week I was reminded again that were it not for the relationship I have now with The Lord, there is no possible way I could work where I do. Without Him, my anxiety would just not let me do it.

A few days ago, we were told that they were going to change our "Emergency Lockdown" procedures which would entail changing the way they announce a lockdown. For instance, instead of saying "Teachers, we are having an emergency lockdown", they might say something like "We are having an emergency lockdown because we have an intruder with a gun in the 7th grade hallway." Can you say stressful?!?

Also changing is the fact that more scenarios are being considered. Before, our lockdown drills happened only during regular class time. Problem is that you can't determine that something bad will only happen during those times. You must also consider that it might happen at lunch time or before school when the lunchroom is filled with hundreds of students. This would make it a lot harder to manage the way the kids react.

The reason they are changing procedures is because of the fact that school shootings are on the rise. From what they told us, there were 5 this year within the first two months of school. That's more than the total of any year since 2000.

We were told that we would be having a lockdown drill within two weeks, we wouldn't know exactly when, and we weren't supposed too let the kids know it was going to happen. The fact that I work with some kids who might be more prone to freak out is a big concern for me. Plus, since I'm all over the school, I never know where I might be when a drill like that happens. And it brings to mind that if there were something real happening, I'm much more likely to be stuck in a hallway, etc.

Thankfully, the drill happened on Friday. I was where I wanted to be, not stuck in a hallway, but with a teacher who has excellent classroom management skills. No one freaked out and it went just fine. Whew...

When things like this are going on I really have to ask myself, do I truly trust your Lord? Will I trust You no matter what? This is when I cannot lean on my own understanding. Otherwise, I can't keep doing what I know my Lord wants me to do and keep being where I know He wants me to be.

By the way, in case anyone was wondering. I didn't have to take anything to help keep me calm either, just regular doses of prayer and the peace that only The Lord can give.

One of my faves

2008-10-25T13:19:00.009-05:00

Ephesians 5:19-20 (New International Version)
19Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, 20always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

I love worship music more than I can say, and my favorites are the ones that help me to picture heaven the way scripture tells us it will be. I long for that day.

Jeremy Camp has a new song that touches me more than any song in a while. Evidently, the CD that has this song doesn't come out till the end of November. I know I'll be getting it!

Here's a video of him singing the song. It's a live version, but still very good.

Revelation 21:4 (New International Version)
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

Well it sounded like a good idea...

2008-10-24T10:13:00.003-05:00

...but the no complaining thing I talked about in my last post, well I've already dropped out. Sad, I know. I don't want to be a quitter. And I don't think I'm the type who people think of as a complainer anyway. Besides, the wristband that I'm supposed to switch to the other hand each time I complain bothers me so much on my right wrist that I'd be willing to complain just to get it back onto the left wrist.

Maybe I'll try it again some day...when I don't have 2 teenagers, 3 dogs, a cat, and a "glass half empty" husband in my house. Well, hopefully I'll still have the husband, but you get the idea. I'm sure the fact that I've had one of the absolute craziest weeks at my job since I started didn't help either. Ahh, such is life.

So glad it's the weekend!

Who's complaining now?

2008-10-22T21:54:00.003-05:00

So today at our faculty meeting, the principal showed a video about a church that started an organization called "A Complaint Free World". It was really quite interesting. The minister who started it felt like people complain way too much...umm, I must say I agree. And I would fit into the "complain too much" category myself these days. Certain things, at home and at work, have had me complaining quite a bit lately. That's one of the reasons I haven't been blogging so much...because I really don't like blogging when I have something negative to say.

I consider myself a fairly positive person. I know that keeping a smile on my face helps to keep me, and those around me, feeling good. Lately I have just been feeling like whining and griping quite a bit more. So this complaint free thing should be just the ticket.

I've been working on not complaining since this afternoon after the meeting. So far I've been harder on myself than I would be on others, for instance considering an "eye roll" a complaint and switching the armband. I may have to re-think what whether or not I consider that to be a complaint. This is NOT easy! :)

That being said, I would like to throw out a challenge. How many of you would like to join me in striving to be complaint free? The goal is to be complaint free for 21 days. Again, NOT easy...

Here is a video to tell you more:

Next Saturday

2008-10-19T11:39:00.003-05:00

I have no extra plans next weekend except for the game on Friday night. Woohoo! So, here's the plan for Saturday. I'll get the house spic and span. I'll do all the basics like laundry, dishes and vacuuming. Then I'll dust in every nook and cranny. Even the ceiling fan will be free from any speck of dust.

Then I'll re-arrange the book shelf and rid it of any miscellaneous extras that someone thought they would read, but never did. I'll cut down the CD collection to just those that we still might find ourselves listening to on an average Saturday afternoon. Same goes for the DVDs.

After all that, I'll clean out the drawers in the kitchen and in the bathroom. Next will come the cabinets and only things we use at least once a year will be neatly stacked making everything easy to find when I need it. The cabinets under the sinks won't have the sundry items that haven't been touched in eons.

Once I've worked my way through everything I've listed so far, I'll make the trek upstairs and start my work there. The linen closet will have only one extra set of sheets per bed in our home and there will be no more towels that should've been long since gone. There will also be a sweet scent as I will place a couple of wonderfully scented sachets with my neatly stacked linens.

Off to the bedroom I'll go and my bed will already be neatly made, of course, because who doesn't make their bed the instant they step out of it in the morning? I'll fluff the pillows and straighten the comforter. I'll then strip the closet and the drawers of any clothing that hubby and I haven't worn since before last year. I'll dust and vacuum and then straighten the picture frames on the dresser. Candles will be lit and I won't worry that any stacks of paper hubby left near will catch on fire, because he always puts his things where they go.

Once I'm done with the housework, I'll take a short break and sip some tea.

I'm sure that there will still be much of the morning left, so I'll be off to survey the garage sales in the area. I'm sure I'll find many things I truly need priced at a quarter or so. I'll bring my things home and place them where they go. I won't throw them in a corner or on the kitchen table.

A lunch date with a friend or two might be just the thing I do later. We'll chat and laugh. We'll eat our salads and drink our diet coke and won't think of having the chocolate cake for dessert. Stories of the accomplishments of our children this week will abound and none will be jealous because all of them are near perfect, you know.

Once evening is near, I'll get busy cooking dinner. I'll feed the children who will give me a hug and be off to their rooms to do their homework. A beautifully adorned table and a decadent meal will be waiting when hubby comes home from his afternoon of hanging out with the guys. We'll dine and talk while the candles glow. Then we'll retire to the back porch and sip a glass of wine while listening to our favorite romantic music. After that...well, you'll just have wonder.

A fantasy, you say? A dream? Hey people, it could happen!!!

Stuff, Stuff and More Stuff

2008-10-16T16:46:00.003-05:00

Matthew 6:20 (New International Version)
But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.

Wow, I feel like I have so much to tell right now. I had planned on blogging about everything that's been going on in my life. I'm feeling much better than when I last posted and thanks for the prayers. So much is going on in my life (as usual), but that will have to wait, because this just happened...

There was an old looking (but not so old) purple bike at the side of my house in a little fenced in area. It had been sitting there in the weather for a couple of years. I don't remember how it first ended up out there. Originally, someone gave it to us when they moved out of state and were trying to get rid of as much stuff as possible. It was a very nice bike when we received it. I was the one who had planned on using it, but never did and because of the way it had been treated, it wasn't so nice any more...

Today a 5th grader, an adorable boy, rang my doorbell and asked "Would you like to donate a purple bike to the homeless?" At first I didn't know what he was talking about and looked at him a bit perplexed. Then he laughed and said "Nah, I'm just kidding." Then it dawned on me that he was talking about that bike at the side of the house. I told him he could have it even though I'm not sure that it's fixable. I'm pretty sure that it's too rusty, but he looked like he was up for a challenge and he really wanted it, so he took it home.

The conversation with the boy was such a blessing and it felt good to say that he could take the bike, but it has me thinking again...there are so many reasons I need to work on my nature as a pack rat. I have SO MUCH STUFF that I don't use and much of it I never will. Many of the things that have my home overflowing could be a blessing to others. Why do I hold on to all of it? It reminds me a bit of this great poem:

SARAH CYNTHIA SYLVIA STOUT

by Shel Silverstein

Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout

Would not take the garbage out.

She'd wash the dishes and scrub the pans

Cook the yams and spice the hams,

And though her parents would scream and shout,

She simply would not take the garbage out.

And so it piled up to the ceiling:

Coffee grounds, potato peelings,

Brown bananas and rotten peas,

Chunks of sour cottage cheese.

It filled the can, it covered the floor,

It cracked the windows and blocked the door,

With bacon rinds and chicken bones,

Drippy ends of ice cream cones,

Prune pits, peach pits, orange peels,

Gloppy glumps of cold oatmeal,

Pizza crusts and withered greens,

Soggy beans, and tangerines,

Crusts of black-burned buttered toast,

Grisly bits of beefy roast.

The garbage rolled on down the halls,

It raised the roof, it broke the walls,

I mean, greasy napkins, cookie crumbs,

Blobs of gooey bubble gum,

Cellophane from old bologna,

Rubbery, blubbery macaroni,

Peanut butter, caked and dry,

Curdled milk, and crusts of pie,

Rotting melons, dried-up mustard,

Eggshells mixed with lemon custard,

Cold French fries and rancid meat,

Yellow lumps of Cream of Wheat.

At last the garbage reached so high

That finally it touched the sky,

And none of her friends would come to play,

And all of her neighbors moved away;

And finally, Sarah Cynthia Stout

Said, "Okay, I'll take the garbage out!"

But then, of course it was too late,

The garbage reached across the state,

From New York to the Golden Gate;

And there in the garbage she did hate

Poor Sarah met an awful fate

That I cannot right now relate

Because the hour is much too late

But children, remember Sarah Stout,

And always take the garbage out.

I'm better than I used to be. I am working on releasing more of the things in my home...and I stopped buying more things I don't really need several years ago. When I was a stay-at-home mom, Flylady helped me start to get things under control and it really was helping so much, but once I went to work full time the backsliding, oh how it did happen!

I know you're working on me, Lord. Oh how I wish I were better at listening to you. Now off to take out the trash...

Rough Week

2008-10-10T21:44:00.002-05:00

Matthew 11:28-29 (New International Version)
28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

Seems like it has just been one thing after another this week. There hasn't been anything catastrophic, it's just been difficult.

Things at work were crazy because it was a week full of tests and that means lots of reading to kids (a test that many of them just simply don't have the ability to do) and scheduling issues because there are too many kids and not enough teachers/aides.

Home life has also been stressful. Our schedule is jam packed, both of the kids were sick, homework to do, etc.

Then K had a meltdown before school this morning. I was 15 minutes late for work (I hate being late) and I just couldn't seem to recover from the stress of that combined with everything else.

I tried really hard to just get through the day at work, but I ended up having to leave when I realized I was on the verge of a serious panic attack. I'm talking about the kind of panic attack where you seriously feel like you might die, the chest hurting, hyperventilating kind. It didn't actually get to that point, but I've been there enough that I recognize the signs.

I was supposed to work with the band crew tonight at the football game and I felt terribly guilty because I just couldn't do it. We're so short-staffed on volunteers as it is, but I had to have a break. We have another band event tomorrow and I don't know that I'll make that one either.

I have to remind myself that when I am emotionally unhealthy, it's no different than if I were physically ill. Why is it so hard to give yourself a break when it's something emotional? If I had a broken leg, I might feel bad a little if I couldn't help, but it wouldn't be the same. It's easier to say "I just can't do it" when someone can see the cast on your leg. It's just that not everyone seems to understand that something's broken when they can't see it for themselves, can't feel it for themselves.

I know that every trial I go through is preparing me for something. I know that if I keep focused on the Lord, He will use what I am going through for good. I know that he is refining me.

I also know that I need to rest a little more than I have been. I can't continue doing as much as I have been doing. Some people can do so much more. Some people have that kind of energy. I am not one of those people. Somehow I have to learn to be ok with that.

I cried out to the Lord today. I am calmer tonight. I am taking a break.

Sometimes It's True...

2008-10-07T10:07:00.003-05:00

Last night, my procrastinator of a son remembered that he had a science project due today. He had to make a cell membrane model. The only reason he remembered is because we have something called Teleparent here. Teleparent is wonderful because it is an automated system that calls on the phone to let you know things like when kids have projects due, to study for a test, etc. This gave T a chance to get his project turned in on time.

T still procrastinated past the time he knew about the project (about 7pm) until 9:30 or so. Then he had to find things around the house to use to make his cell model because he had lost the opportunity to have us pick up anything from the store (the offer had been made). He started brainstorming and eventually came up with an idea after I suggested homemade play dough (flour, water and salt).

T worked most of the night on his creation, kneading paint from my craft box into pieces of dough to make different colors for the parts of it (we were out of food coloring). When I got up to let the dogs out at 3am, he was still working on it (I'm sure he took breaks to watch t.v., but still).

When I got up this morning, I saw two cell models made, one a plant cell and one an animal cell. They looked great! He had stuck toothpicks into the different parts and labeled them with little pieces of paper. The colors looked good. It was really nice work. I wish I had a picture to show you how good it looked. But alas...sometimes it's true...the dog ate his homework. Some time between the time I left for work and the time that Tyler got out of the shower our dog who loves anything bread-like (flour, salt and water..close enough) chomped on his work.

The dog ate both the plant cell model and the animal cell model, at least parts of both. You may remember Molly from when I posted about my dogs. Molly is T's dog. He adores her, but I betcha he doesn't like her much today. And I'm not gonna like her much either if the non-toxic paint he used to make the models upset her stomach and I have to clean that up when I get home.

So I emailed the teacher and let her know he really did do the work. She said that he could re-do it and turn it in late for a 70. Plus, she said that if he wanted extra credit he could do both the plant and the animal cell models. Uh yep, that's right...he didn't have to do both in the first place, only one. Yet another thing T would've known had he been paying attention when the project was assigned.

Lesson learned?? We'll see...

These Were The Plans He Had For Me

2008-10-04T11:19:00.003-05:00

Jeremiah 29:11 (New International Version)
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I made myself get out of bed at 11:00am today. Many of may be wondering how someone could possibly sleep that late. Well since you asked, I am e.x.h.a.u.s.t.e.d. For 16 years I was a stay-at-home mom and I volunteered a lot, so I definitely stayed busy. If I needed a little more rest, I just took naps during the day. Of course, there are no naps when you have a full time job (who would like to lobby to change that?). This working AND volunteering thing is T.O.U.G.H. But I realized something last night. As hard as this is, I really think it's what I'm supposed to be doing.

This week we had two different band events, which meant that the band crew had two late working nights (dinner provided by Taco Bell...again). I dreaded both of them, partially because I have been fighting terrible allergies for weeks(never have I had so much trouble with them this time of year!). Three days this week I very nearly called in sick. I have just been having the most difficult time getting through the work day. So adding on another "job" in the evening was just not what I wanted to do.

I realize that this probably sounds like a gripe session, but that's not what I'm intending. Arduous as the task has been, I have had a lot of fun. I love the friendships I have with the other parent volunteers and if you know me at all, you know how much I love working with the kids. There is something so satisfying (and healing) to me about being the "extra mama" for kiddos whose parents aren't around.

Last night I actually got my second wind and had a great time. It's a tradition that when we play our big rivals from across town we carry around braided yarn in the colors of the other team, the Tigers and the kids sing "I've got a tiger by the tail". We couldn't find any of our "tiger tails" from previous years, so I stopped by my mom's (we've been getting along pretty well lately) on the way to the game and borrowed some yarn to make them. Then I sat in the car before the game and quickly made some for K, T and K's two best friends. What really made my heart smile was knowing that one of K's friends was so happy to get one. Next year hopefully I will think ahead and make sure to have some "tiger tails" already done.

I'm beginning to think it's likely that even after my kids have all graduated, I might just keep volunteering with the band. After all, the kiddos I work with in the middle school will be moving on to high school and I'm sure I'll want to keep seeing them. I'll need something to keep me busy anyway, so Mama C might just have to do that.

In the past, many people have quoted Jeremiah 29:11 to me. There were so many years, the majority of my life in fact, that I worried every day about the "what ifs". All I could think about was what horrible thing was coming next in my life. And I had good reason to wonder. I had been through so much already. I also had an extremely hard time dealing with the hurts of others. If I would see someone in emotional pain, especially a child, it would just devastate me. Once I was finally able to let myself trust in the Lord's plan for my life (and for the lives of others), everything changed.

I can see now that God's plan for me is to work with kids. And it would not have been possible for me to do the things I'm doing now were I not trusting in Him. Sometimes it breaks my heart to know that the children I encounter need their "extra mama" so much. That's the kind of thing that I truly could not handle when I didn't put my complete trust in my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. The things I can handle now would've seriously caused me to have a breakdown then.

I'm sorry I didn't trust in the Lord sooner. I wish I hadn't wasted so much time, but I can't dwell on that. I know that the Lord is using me now. I know that He is still molding me to be the person He wants me to be. I pray that I will allow Him to use me to the fullest and I long to hear the words "well done, good and faithful servant". Help me Lord to follow Your plan.

Shout Out

2008-10-02T18:42:00.002-05:00

Two of my favorite blogger friends have such good stuff on their blogs that I just have to give a shout out to them.

Jenn at Casa de Castro made me feel better about the economy...and...

Tracy at Our Journey has a great movie review.

Neti Pot

2008-09-29T18:32:00.004-05:00

If you're eating or have a weak stomach, you may want to turn away. No, I'm not going to go into the worst of the grossness, but believe me I could get graphic here.

I have been fighting off a sinus infection by taking my allergy medicine every day, but even with the meds I've had quite a bit of congestion, hacking and coughing especially in the mornings. One of my friends at work suggested I get a neti pot. She said she has been using one for a couple of years and has only had one sinus infection during that time. She said she used to get them all the time.

The neti pot kind of looks like Aladdin's lamp to me. You can click here to see one. I've seen the strange contraption before on tv and heard about it from friends, but I was always scared to get one. It just didn't seem natural to me.

Basically, you fill the thing with lukewarm water and a salt solution. Then, with your head over the sink you stick the spout in one side of your nose and turn it up to pour it in. In a second or two, the salt water solution comes out the other side of your nose. Afterward, you blow your nose. Sounds gross, I know, but it's supposed to clean our your sinuses and help get rid of infection.

I finally broke down last night and bought a neti pot for me and one for K since we both have been so miserable that it seemed like the right time to take a chance...to be brave. Wow, after using it just once last night it seems to have helped tremendously. I woke up at 4am and was so excited not to have a huge amount of congestion (in fact almost none) and I could breathe through my nose! Only problem was that the excitement kept me from getting back to sleep...lol. Not a problem, since I had slept SO much better during the time I did sleep.

Sometimes it really pays to be brave.

My 100th Post and My First Meme

2008-09-23T20:13:00.002-05:00

I've finally reached the milestone of my 100th post. Since I got tagged by Jenn at Casa de Castro to do a "Six Random Things" meme and since I could not come up with 100 things about me like the amazing HisGirl (I couldn't even come up with 50..), hopefully you'll all be satisfied with this. Otherwise, feel free to ask random questions and I'll answer pretty much anything else you want to know. So here goes...

1. I love to type, which is a good thing when you love to blog. :) I'm a pretty good typist, partially because I have a habit of tapping with my fingers on the sides of my legs (typing) things I say out loud or things others say to me. It can be a little embarassing when people notice me doing it. Weird is a good thing, right?

2. I have a fear of lakes or any body of water that has fish or other water creatures. Not being able to see to the bottom of the lake makes my imagination run wild wondering what's down there and if it might graze me swimming by. I also can't stand the thought of the dirt and germs or other icky stuff that could be in a lake. My mom says that even when I was a small child, I didn't like lakes and would cry if we would drive over a long bridge over a lake.

3. I have traveled very little in my life, but my favorite place I have visited is Alaska. My family spent the summer there the year I was 12. I would absolutely love to visit there again. It's also interesting that it was the only time I've ever seen the ocean and it was the Arctic. I still have never been to the Texas coast even though it's only 5 or so hours away from me.

4. I love Tex-mex food. I could eat it every meal, breakfast, lunch and dinner and sometimes do. And it must be spicy hot! I buy salsa in the institutional size container.

5. I have a loud voice. An old lady at a party once rather rudely told me that my voice was going to be the only thing heard on the video tape of the party. Having a loud voice isn't always bad though. If you need someone to yell across a crowd to get another person's attention, I'm your girl!

6. I went by the name Susan instead of Suzanne from the time I was 12 till I was about 30 because a boy made fun of my name in jr. high school. He would yell "Shazam!" down the hallway. Anyone remember the tv show Shazam? I also thought Susan sounded more "normal". I love my name now and I'm glad it's not that common.

Well those are my Six Random Things.

Ooooh, now it's my turn to tag someone to tell their Six Random Things. Hmmm, let's see. I pick:

Susan at Lila's Journey

Jess at Mourning Into Dancing

Tracy at Our Journey

Joan at More God = Less Me

Oy vey! What a day!

2008-09-20T21:04:00.002-05:00

Wow! I am just about wiped out today. Last night was the homecoming football game. We had fun even though our team lost, but I was a little disappointed that I didn't see anyone from the class of '83. Typically at the homecoming games every year I will see a few people that I knew from high school and this being our 25th year I thought I might see a few more. Does no one follow tradition any more? Oh well...if I didn't have kids there, I'm not sure I'd have been there either.

I was up till 2am because we didn't get home from the football game till 12:00 and I have to have time to wind down. After about 6 hours of sleep (I need at least 2 hours more), I got up and took T to drama rehearsal. Then I stopped and picked up donuts to take to the fundraiser garage sale that K was doing. I helped with the garage sale for several hours till time to pick up T from drama rehearsal.

I went to pick up T at 1pm, but they weren't finished rehearsing yet. So I rushed to Kroger to see if their floral department had any mums left over for homecoming...the dance is tonight. Nothing like waiting till the last minute! Thankfully, they had two left and one looked really nice. Sixty dollars poorer, I walked out with something kind of like this, only with our school colors (didn't think of taking a picture of the one I did get).

Then I went back to the school to pick up T, who by now was finished rehearsing. Next task was to go shopping for something for him to wear to the dance. Again, nothing like waiting till the last minute. About 10 stores later and 80 dollars poorer (not bad really for suit pants and jacket, plus tie that had to match the girlfriend's dress), we finally had his outfit. Not bad really, compared to the cost involved for getting a girl ready for the homecoming dance. Oh, by the way...K has no interest whatsoever in school dances which is why I wasn't dealing with getting two kids ready.

Whewww...I'm starting to realize why I am so exhausted.

Next up on the agenda, T and I had to go help pack up the leftovers from the garage sale with K. Woohoo! K made $111 toward her trip to Philmont next summer with Venturing Crew. Good thing, since it's going to cost over $800 total. More garage sales are planned and probably other fundraising events too.

Later back at the house, I got a chance to sit down and rest for just a few minutes while T took a shower, before ironing his shirt and tying his tie for him. I couldn't believe I'd forgotten how to tie a tie (used to do it all the time till D learned how to tie his own) and since D is gone on a camping trip with the scout troop, I had to figure it out. It took a while even with the picture we found on the internet, but we finally did git 'er done.

Once T made sure he looked perfect to go, we went to pick up his girlfriend and a couple more of their friends. I got lots of pictures of the lovely couple and of the group before driving them to the dance. By the way, we did pick out just the right tie because I heard T and his girlfriend say it looked like they had shopped together because the color match was so good. Score!!

I dropped off four giggly kids at the dance and then stopped on the way home to pick up dinner for me and K and now we're watching a catch-up soap opera marathon from the ones we have recorded. Can I just say, I love my recliner... Now if only I could fall asleep while watching, but I can't. T won't be home for about an hour and a half and I'm one of those moms who has to stay awake till the kids are all home.

When I finally get to go to bed, I will sleep well tonight!

Starting to Feel Like Fall..and a Few Other Things

2008-09-16T22:07:00.003-05:00

Daniel 2:21 (New International Version)
He changes times and seasons; he sets up kings and deposes them. He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning.

Ahhh, this morning when I went to get into my car it was so cool I thought I might have to wear a sweater soon. Lovely weather we're having here! Sometimes I wish it was like this every day, but then I guess we wouldn't appreciate the great weather if we didn't have the bad weather to compare it to.

Next subject, my hubby and I are really not enjoying some things about the high school experience for our kiddos right now because of one particular teacher. It's so irritating when a person seems to love the "power" of being in a certain position while doing as little as possible of the responsibilities that go with being in that position. Plus, there have been a few occurrences. that are just unacceptable. Unfortunately, what used to be a very good program has deteriorated because of this individual. Several parents are contacting the principal, so we'll see what happens...

And onto my final topic of this post, I am SO glad that I don't work as a substitute teacher every day. Every so often, I will be called from my regular job to cover for a teacher that is absent and today was one of those days. The class where I was a sub today was just awful. Usually I think I'm pretty good at managing the kids, but today I just couldn't seem to keep them under control.

Oh well, tomorrow is another day...and it's supposed to be another beautiful, cool day too.

Dear Lord, please give me the wisdom to handle the situations I encounter in a way that brings You glory.

We Were Spared By Ike...Pray For Those Who Weren't

2008-09-14T20:48:00.002-05:00

Thankfully, here in Dallas we just got some much needed rain from hurricane Ike. Since we thought we were going to get much more, we canceled the fundraiser garage sale that we were going to have. That gave us a weekend with very little else to do, so we managed to get the house back in order. Hallelujah! While I wouldn't want someone to look closely and see the dust that is still there, at least I would no longer be completely embarassed for someone to come into my home.

I also had time to catch up on blogging. I think I had about 40 posts to catch up on from my favorite blog-sisters. It was great reading what everyone else has been up to. I also finally had time to post the recipe that I accidentally published and then took down because I was missing part of the recipe (3 weeks ago!). So now it really is there if you click on my recipe blog.

Unfortunately, Ike wasn't so kind to other areas. I called my dad in East Texas last night and he said they had a pretty good storm and their power had been out for hours, but there wasn't a whole lot of damage that they could see so far. Then I saw on the news all the damage in Houston and they said they might not have power back for weeks! I feel so bad for all they're going through...

Praying for those who have lost so much this weekend that God will give them comfort and restoration.

Friday Night Lights

2008-09-12T17:37:00.005-05:00

I grew up in the land of "Friday Night Lights", but I didn't really have much school spirit. I guess maybe I just had too many things on my plate to care much about other things that high school kids are supposed to be doing. I don't have those memories of camaraderie that come with being part of the band or the football team or the cheerleaders. I was in choir, but even that was done halfheartedly. So many times I have wished I had those memories, memories of being part of something.

It's interesting how God chooses to heal our hurts, how he gives us something that will fix even the unfixable. For me, being the co-crew chief for the band crew is helping to fix that part of me that didn't get to experience school spirit. Even greater for me is that my kids go to the same school where I went, my alma mater.

I'm part of the team now. Along with other parents, I work hard on Friday nights to make sure our band kids have what they need. I help to fill up hundreds of water cups and pass them out, passing out sodas at half time (shouting "only take one, only take one!"...lol), and passing out plumes for their hats. It may not sound like much, but it really takes a lot of effort and cooperation. It also satisfies the need to be part of something, something I never really experienced in high school.

Standing there holding up my index finger (we're #1!), as I sing my school song I do have school spirit. I have something I longed for when I was younger.

Whatever it is...whatever your "unfixable" thing, it doesn't matter that you can't go back and do it over again. God can fix it. He finds a way. Believe He can. And He will.

9-11-2001 Never Forget

2008-09-11T11:21:00.003-05:00

I didn't want to forget that day. So I journaled how I felt. Reading it today, I can see that I was unable to convey my emotion through my words on a page. I was so much more upset than these words seem to tell. I am glad I journaled it though. Here is what I wrote that day:

September 11, 2001

Dean and I walked the kids to school this morning. I chased Tyler while he laughed, trying to catch up with him. I thought to myself, at the time, that I knew I would cherish that memory forever. What I didn’t know is that this would be such a defining day in my life for another reason. We dropped the kids off at school, kissed them goodbye and went for a walk. It’s such a brilliant beautiful day today. Dean and I both talked about how wonderful a day it was…how cool it was…so much cooler than it usually is this time of year. We really enjoyed our walk.

When we got home, Dean went and turned on the shower to get ready for work. I went into the bedroom and turned on the TV. That’s when I saw it…The World Trade Center…both towers in flames. Peter Jennings was just telling the world about how two planes had crashed into the buildings, an apparent terrorist attack. I called to Dean to come listen. The shower still running, we both stood and stared at the television in horror. Then the report that the Pentagon had also been attacked. The magnitude of all of this is beyond belief. I keep hoping that I’ll wake up and this will all have been a terrible nightmare.

How do I explain this to my children? I think of the times that I’ve prayed for the parents in war torn countries and hope there are parents in other countries praying for us now. I pray that God will give me the words to tell my children. I pray that my children will not be made to live in fear.

I walked outside in the front yard and looked up at the sky. It’s so quiet. There are no planes in the sky. I talked to my mom on the phone. She works near Love Field Airport. She says that it’s strangely quiet there.

My imagination runs wild with thoughts of how our lives might change in the months to come.

I pray that God will touch the hearts of those involved in this attack on our country. I pray that they will come to realize what they have done.

God Bless America…those words never meant more to me than they do today.

Smile!

2008-09-10T17:37:00.003-05:00

I've mentioned before that I love working with kids who have Asperger's Syndrome (I'll abbreviate to A.S. for the rest of the post) and I've mentioned that it's because we're 99.9% sure that my 16 yr. old daughter has Asperger's Syndrome. Those kids remind me of my daughter whom I love dearly and I find it to be very amusing when they say something that sounds just like something she would say. The things I hear from my daughter and from the A.S. kids I work with sound a little different because they think differently from others.

A.S. people don't read the emotion on a person's face in the same way as most people do either. My daughter K has pretty much always had a problem with the fact that I smile "too much". She doesn't understand why someone would smile most of the time. Then there's the girl I work with who calls me the Joy Fairy (and she means that I'm annoying to her that way). And then there's the boy I worked with a lot last year...

The boy I worked with last year is the one who led me to believe that my daughter has A.S. because the meltdowns he would have at school looked very similar to the ones that my daughter has at home. I got along with him better than most people at the school (probably because I've had years of experience dealing with someone like him). I know he likes me because he will make a point of coming to see me this year to let me know how he's doing.

The same boy walked up to me the other day and smiled. I asked him how he's doing this year and he's doing much better. It seems that he's doing well in all his classes. This made me smile and of course it was a big smile because I'm so proud of him. That's when he said something that didn't shock me at all considering I tend to understand the way A.S. kids think...

"That smile of yours....it's kinda creepy", he said. He pointed to his lips and told me how I show all my teeth when I smile. "Just creepy", he said. It was just a matter of fact to him. He didn't mean it in a rude way at all, I'm sure of that. All I could do was laugh.

...Sigh...

2008-09-09T17:50:00.003-05:00

I'm frustrated about some things right now, including my current work schedule and the raising of teenagers. And I don't like to sound like a whiner, but...

Initially, it seemed as though my schedule at work was going to be extremely busy. Then I found out that for multiple reasons it's actually slightly boring. The majority of the kids they have me paired up with need very little help. I love the teachers I'm working with, so some of the time I could just sit and chat, but I just feel like I could be doing so much more.

The kids in the original class where I was need help all the time, some of them with every math question they have and I like being busy with them. At least I can see the kiddos who really need me and help them some, since I keep my things in their room and stop off there often.

Then there's the raising of teenagers. I get so frustrated with them at times. Between K's meltdowns and T's lackadaisical attitude , I'm just about tired of raising kids at the moment. Well I'm exaggerating, but I do wish someone else would step in and deal out the discipline, handle the arguments and make sure homework actually gets done. Then I can just be the cool mom I want to be and my children will adore me. I can dream, can't I?!?

Wordle

2008-09-06T14:40:00.002-05:00

I liked Jenn's so much, I had to make one of my own. That's it on the right. Click it to big it.

Open House

2008-09-04T20:59:00.003-05:00

Well I made it through the first day of my new schedule and tonight was Open House. I didn't have to be there since I'm an aide, but I decided to go to get credit for extra curricular activities for a grant that I may be able to get. I didn't get home till 9:00pm, but it was so totally worth it to get hugs and smiles from kids I knew from last year that came back to visit.

Feet.hurt.bad. Back.hurts. Head.aches.

Still, LOVE.MY.JOB.

Don't Get Too Comfortable...

2008-09-03T17:41:00.002-05:00

Just when you do get comfortable, things change again. That's the way it is with life in general, and that's the way it is with my job too. I thought I had a "permanent" schedule for work, although I know from my experience last year that things can change from moment to moment. The principal has decided to shake things up considerably. So instead of being in one classroom for most of the day, tomorrow I'll be back to doing what I did last year.

I'll be traveling from classroom to classroom to classroom and so on. There are 8 class periods in a day and I'm responsible for helping kiddos in 3 classes 1st period, 2 classes each of periods 2-7, and 5 classes in 8th period. Needless to say, I'll be walking A LOT... I guess that's good since I could use the exercise. It just seems a little harder to build good relationships with kids when you have SO many of them. And because of the huge number of classes on my schedule I may not see some of the kids for over a week at a time.

I just realized that the last paragraph sounds like a math word problem (shudder). Well actually, that's because it kind of is one. I still haven't figured out exactly how I'm going to work it out either. It's pretty much insanity...but I found this one the web, so I'm good:

HOW TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY IN THE WORKPLACE

Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is of a different gender than you.

Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-cha."

Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."

Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as much since you did this.

While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call everyone Madge.

Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way.

Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.

Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask him or her if they want fries with that.

Send e-mail back and forth to yourself engaging yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.

Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair-dancing.

Put your trash can on your desk. Label it "IN."

Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.

Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that."

Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.

Help! Weekend..why are you leaving me so quickly?!?

2008-09-01T09:33:00.003-05:00

I am so thankful to have a three day weekend. It is just going by so quickly! I still have SO much to get done before this day is over. Energy. need. more. energy. That's part of the problem. Both D and I are looking the what we wish we could get done this weekend and feeling tired a bit overwhelmed. There is just too much to do.

I did get the grocery shopping done on Saturday. That was a priority since we were out of pretty much everything and I was getting really tired of fast food (not to mention that it's terribly unhealthy). T mowed the lawn and D vacuumed the pool. K and I finished painting her room (or got it as finished as it's going to be). D fixed the faucets that were leaking terribly (although he couldn't get the right part and had to make multiple trips to Home Depot and now one of the faucets has to be turned the on way for off and the off way for on..if that makes any sense). The house has been straightened up a little...and whew! Maybe we've done more than I thought.

It's just that there is so much more to get done. The dishes keep getting dirty and the laundry is still piled up and the dogs have torn up something and...and...I could go on, but feel the need to stop. I need to stop because I am just stressing myself out even more.

So I will make a priority list and a chore chart. I will threaten the loss of cell phones to let my children know how important it is that they do their chores (because that's the only thing that will work sometimes). I will start a load of laundry and a load of dishes. And I will get done what I can get done before this weekend comes to a close. Then I will try not to worry about how much more there is left to do...

Now I need your help. The whole time I've been typing this post, I've been wondering what scripture would be most applicable to my situation. I can't think of one. What do you think? What scripture would you offer to me now? I know that you will have great ones to offer and I love you and thank you in advance my dear friends!

Anger Management

2008-08-28T22:42:00.002-05:00

Psalm 4:4 (New International Version)
In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent.

Today at work, I had to deal with a very angry young man. He was upset because the lead teacher got on to him for disrupting the class. It wasn't a big deal really, but this child is the type that seems to have a very short fuse. I was able to take him out into the hall and get him calmed down and then the rest of the time in class he was fine.

Another time today, a child I worked with last year walked up to me in the hallway and smiled. I was so glad to see him and gave him a hug. He has Asperger's Syndrome, which means he is prone to what is kind of like a temper tantrum or "meltdown". The problems with his temper led to a lot of problems last year, but he seems to be doing better now.

Those two occurences made me think. Do you ever have those times when you can finally seem to understand what the good is that has come from something difficult you've been through? I had one of those times today. I realized that were it not for things I'd been through myself (and things that at the time I'd rather not have gone through!), then I wouldn't the abilities I have now.

I L.O.V.E. working with kids who have anger issues. I seem to be really good at working with them. I can sometimes develop a relationship with kids that few others can. I know how to remain calm and I know how to show respect even when I'm being disrespected. And I don't say this to brag, because I know that my natural self could never, ever do it. I know that when I'm able to do these things it is because of the fact that Christ lives in me.

There were so many trials in my life that trained me for what I do now in my job. The fact that I was abused as a child helps me to always stop to think about what the reasons may be for a child acting out in class. I've had plenty to be angry about in my life, so I can see why they might be angry. I have a husband with some anger issues and a child who we're pretty sure has Asperger's Syndrome , which means we deal with "meltdowns" frequently. All of these seem to have been boot camp for working in special education.

It never ceases to amaze me how God works in our lives to use all things, good or bad, for the glory of His kingdom. It's not easy going through the tribulations of our lives and sometimes I want out of them so badly, but I am thankful to know that He does have a plan. And I am thankful to be part of it.

Oh, and by the way, thanks for your prayers about my exhaustion. I'm feeling much more energized today!

Feet, Don't Fail Me Now!

2008-08-27T18:25:00.002-05:00

On the positive side, school is going amazingly well. On the negative side, my feet H.U.R.T.! I am so totally not used to spending time on my feet after having the summer off work. And tired is not the word to describe how I feel right now.

Aside from total exhaustion, I am loving being back at work with all my friends and with the kids too. Now if I could get past the exhaustion back to being able to function once I'm off work, that'd be great. Right now, once I'm home from work I don't want to do a single thing. No dishes. No laundry. And especially no stack of forms that the kids need that should already be done. Did I mention I was exhausted?

I want to be able to make this post so much longer and tell you how much I love my job, because I really, really do. But until I've gotten past this first couple of weeks (hopefully!), my brain just might not be able.

Hope this post even made sense.... **yawn**

Gosh, I Love That Kid!

2008-08-25T22:21:00.002-05:00

Don't know how I could've forgotten to post earlier my favorite thing that happened on the first day of school (probably because it was a very hurried post before I rushed off to bible study). I wasn't sure that one of my favorite kiddos would even remember the nickname she gave me last year. Then as class began, I walked over to say hello to her and tell her I'd missed her over the summer. And then she said it...in her special exasperated tone seemingly pretending that she didn't miss me..."It's the joy fairy". Gosh, I love that kid!

The Honeymoon Period

2008-08-25T18:40:00.002-05:00

The kids at school were incredibly and unbelievably good today. We barely had to get onto any of them at all. They were little angels in each class. Now if they can just keep that up for the next 176 days left in the school year. Considering the fact that some of our kiddos end up in resource class simply for behavior issues, that's not likely...but I can dream, can't I?

Oh, and for those of you who thought I was good at math simply because I'm an aide for a math class, umm...no. The class I'm working in is taught at about a 4th grade level and I kinda have to re-learn some of that as the teacher teaches it. Nope, no math genius here...

Altogether for a first day, not bad. Not bad at all.

Tomorrow, Tomorrow..

2008-08-24T16:18:00.002-05:00

Less than 24 hours till the kids are back in school. I found out my assignment for this year and I will be working in the resource math class. Woohoo, I will be in one classroom with one set of kids pretty much all the time. I'm very happy about that because last year I was all over the place in different classrooms and had so many kids to check on that I would only get to see some of them a couple of times a week. Hopefully I will feel like I'm able to help the kids more since I will see the same ones all the time.

Now I'm off to get my laundry done so I will have something decent to wear tomorrow...

A Time For Hot Flashes

2008-08-22T21:28:00.003-05:00

Ecclesiastes 3:1 (New International Version)
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven

Some people say that Texas doesn't really have seasons and I can understand why. Really, you just "never know what you gonna get". It can literally end up being 80something degrees any day during the year and I once saw two days back to back where one day was 81 degrees and the next was 18 degrees. It's amazing how quickly things can change. That would be why they say "If you don't like the weather in Texas, just wait a few minutes".

Since I sometimes experience hot flashes, and no I cannot be old enough to have those, I am longing for some 18 degree days right now. Well, maybe not 18 degrees, but I'd definitely like to see some cooler temps. While the weather has cooled down about 10 degrees for the highs, mid 90s aren't really what I'm looking for right now.

Another problem with warm temperatures and hot flashes is that it makes having a warm laptop computer harder to deal with. I long to keep in touch with my bloggy buddies, yet the longer I have this computer in my lap, the warmer I get.

So this is the time of the year when I cry come quickly winter, come quickly. And yes, in December I will probably be whining about the cold...lol.

I Love My Kids

2008-08-21T21:38:00.003-05:00

Psalm 127:3 (New American Standard Bible)
Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward.

I love my kids. I love my kids. I love my kids. I love that they are home with me and not out getting into trouble. I love that they are healthy. I love that they make good grades and have nice friends. I love that they don't cause trouble at school. I love that their teachers tell me they are great kids.

Ok, I feel better now. I just needed a little bit of gratitude journaling to remind me of those things because at this very moment they are driving me C.R.A.Z.Y.

I've always been against letting my kids have "their own little apartments", meaning that I don't generally put tv's, computers, stereos, etc. in their rooms. Sometimes an extra tv will make its way there, but there's no cable in their rooms, so they don't care to watch tv there. The reason for this is because I want my children to be around me. I don't want to get to the point where I have no clue who they are because I've not interacted with them enough.

Then there are times like this evening when I almost wish they had "their own little apartments", when there is seemingly neverending talking infused with quite a bit of arguing over just about ANYTHING. They kick each other and yell at each other. They flick each other with wet wash rags. They act like they can't stand each other while I yell "STOP IT!"

And just when I don't think I can stand it any more, they start watching the olympics and actually conversing with each other about what they're both watching. They actually talk to each other and laugh about something. They have a real relationship with each other; a relationship I don't see with many siblings these days. They don't always act like they love each other, but I know that they do.

Thank You Father for the blessing of my children. Thank You for reminding me how blessed I am.

Happy Times At The Donut Palace

2008-08-20T19:12:00.003-05:00

Genesis 9:13 (New International Version)
I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth.

No, I didn't get to eat any donuts, but I did get a picture of a rainbow...and realized that the Donut Palace really needs a new sign.

Tired...so tired...

2008-08-18T17:50:00.005-05:00

What a night last night was! In case you missed yesterday's post, my 16 yr. old daughter had freshman initiation for the new flute players in the band here at our house. We had 20 teenagers in our small house and back yard. They had fun dressing the freshmen in silly outfits and had a candy filled piñata for them to bash.

I was supposed to be able to sleep while my older daughter, age 24, watched all the kids. That didn't quite happen as I felt the need to check on things quite frequently. That wasn't the kids' fault, they were really good and quiet all things considered.

I should've done what S4J said and just said no... Nah, not really. It was worth it, I guess. Even though I am completely wiped out after working all day (and a really crazy busy day it was) on 2 1/2 hours of sleep, I know that the kids had a blast. I think it's someone else's turn to host "freshman wakeup" next year though.

I think I will eat dinner and go to bed very soon...

My Crazy Weekend

2008-08-17T20:56:00.002-05:00

Short post to say I had a very busy weekend. I worked till 4:00pm yesterday and then left at about 5:00pm to go visit my dad and stepmom who live 2 1/2 hours away. It's my dad's birthday today and we wanted to surprise him with a visit since it's been quite a while since we've seen him.

If you've read my story, you may wonder about my visiting my dad. It's a long story to tell how God worked things out, but I don't have time to tell it right now. Long story short though, my dad is not the same person I grew up knowing. God has performed a work in his life that is nothing short of miraculous in my opinion. I have been wanting to share the details for a while, but just haven't yet. I hope to have that post done one of these days soon though.

We had a very nice, if also very quick visit with my dad and stepmom. We got to meet his Sunday school group (which he says are the best ever and I must say they do seem very sweet) and then got to listen to him play his guitar and sing for their church service.

We're home now and in a couple of hours there will be 15-20 kids in my home for "freshman wakeup", meaning my daughter K and her upper classmen band friends (along with my 24 yr. old daughter) will go wake freshman from the high school band at about 12:30am, bring them to my house and make them do silly things as a type of initiation. Don't worry though, no one will actually be made to do anything of course.

"Freshman wakeup" is supposed to happen downstairs while I sleep peacefully upstairs because I have to work tomorrow. We'll see if that happens. Am I crazy? Yeah, must be. Glutton for punishment? Yeah, must be that too.

If I have survived this weekend, maybe I'll get a post done some time tomorrow... :)

Olympics Question

2008-08-15T21:23:00.002-05:00

So I heard an interesting question on the Olympics Channel (didn't know there was one, but my 16 yr. old has been recording it). If you could compete in any of the summer Olympics sports, which one would you do?

For me, it would definitely be gymnastics. Specifically, I love the uneven bars because I used to think I was pretty good at them when I was a kid. I was totally enthralled with Nadia Comanici in the 76 Olympics. I'd like to opt out of the balance beam though because I'm a little afraid of heights.

So what's your sport?

My New Hair Cut

2008-08-14T10:53:00.005-05:00

Ok, I'm a little self-conscious (aka self-absorbed), so I don't really like to post pictures of myself. But here goes.

This is before (hair has been up in a clip all summer)

And this is the after shot. Keep in mind that without the prodding of a couple of blog friends and if I hadn't just fixed myself up to go out, this would not be happening!

This reminds me, I really need new wallpaper in my bathroom..lol.

Now I am outta here. :)

A Dear Friend

2008-08-14T08:28:00.002-05:00

Ecclesiastes 4:10 (New International Version)
If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

Today I get to go hang out for a while with a dear friend, Robin, who I haven't seen in way too long. For years I worked as her assistant and we talked almost every day. We got to be really close after her husband died in a skiing accident in 2002. I helped her through the grief of losing her husband (as best a friend can) and she helped me through one of my difficult times as well. We called it free therapy (gotta love that!). Since she moved 45 minutes away (as opposed to literally around the corner), it's been more difficult to find the time to get together. I've missed my friend and am really excited to get to spend time with her today!

Changing the subject, I did get my hair cut yesterday, but I'm not sure I like the way my stylist does highlighting. I have been with her for quite a few years, but I may have to leave her. Oh, the angst of finding a new stylist!

I'll probably post a pic of my hair later on anyway. I just have to play with it and see how I want to style it. I may ask Robin for her opinion.

Oh well, I need to go shower and fix my hair so I can get ready to leave. Have a wonderful day my bloggy buddies!

Sense of Accomplishment...And Being Grateful

2008-08-12T17:28:00.004-05:00

It can be done. Just like Jenn suggested in response to my last post, you can work on this...

And this...(and no, that is not me...but you get the idea)

...and you can do those at the same time. Well maybe not exactly the same time, but I did manage to do about 5 loads of laundry in between laying out in the sun and getting my exercise swimming...well I did swim 6 lengths of the pool and it's a big pool, so there. Best thing is that now I feel like I have actually accomplished something. I did get a teensy bit of a sunburn, but that'll go away in a day or two. :)

So while I was in between loads of laundry floating and relaxing in the pool..very nice and quiet, no kids fighting (they were at band camp), it got me to thinking about how very blessed I am; how God has provided for my needs and a lot of my wants as well. I am so thankful to have a pool that is in working order (as opposed to my pool a few weeks ago) and I am also thankful to have a working washer and dryer. I can't imagine having to do laundry the way people did it before those lovely appliances, especially with the summer temperatures. And that reminds me to be VERY thankful for air conditioning!

All in all, it was a very nice day.

Working On My List

2008-08-12T11:27:00.004-05:00

I posted a to do list the other day and there are so many things I could've added to that list. And for some reason, when I have a big list of things to be done and a short amount of time to get them done, I stop and do pretty much nothing. Aghhh. I did get an appointment to see my hairdresser tomorrow (yeah!) and hopefully my new hair will help motivate me to get moving and get more done. I don't really understand how new hair does that for me, but it usually does.

So the question of the day is...should I go work on my tan since the sun has come out after a cloudy couple of days? Or should I tackle Mt. Laundry? Maybe I'll try to do both? Not sure how that would work out, but I'm always up for a challenge when it comes to seeing if something can be done...lol.

Totally changing the subject...Wow! Earlier today I read a post over at Casa de Castro that gave me chills. It also made me think of the song in this video for some reason. This is one that can get a congregation movin' on a Sunday morning. I love how you can find just about anything on the internet. God is good, All the time!

An Award For Me?

2008-08-11T09:04:00.003-05:00

I want to thank Joan for giving me the Arte y Pico blog award. I get all nervous when I get a compliment, so I have no clue what to say. Joan's blog More God = Less Me is a great place for encouragement and laughs too. Check her out and thank you Joan.

Now it's my turn to give this award to 5 inspiring bloggers who I think are the greatest out there. I read every time they post something.

HisGirl's blog is amazing!
I love Sing4Joy's musical influence.
Casa de Castro is funny and inspiring.
Lila's Journey is one of my new favorites.
Last, but certainly not least, Gretchen's Blog always has something great to offer.

Congratulations to my bloggy friends. Check them out for great reading.

The rules for this award are:

You must pick 5 blogs that you consider deserve this award, based upon creativity, design, interesting material, and that also contribute to the blogger community.

Each award must have the name of the author with a link to his or her blog to be visited by everyone.

Award-winners must show the award and put the name and link to the blog that awarded it.

Award-winners and the one who has given the prize must show the link to the Arte y Pico blog, so everyone will know the origin of this award.

These rules must be included in your post.

Countdown Begins

2008-08-10T07:07:00.001-05:00

It's time to count down the days till I go back to work and make a list of things I would like to accomplish before then. 6 days and counting. Things I would like to accomplish:

1. Get my hair done. Seriously, my roots are about 3 inches long!

2. Make several dishes up to freeze portions to take to work.

3. Get all the laundry done. Prayers requested as this is not an easy task in my home.

4. Get the kids' school supply shopping done.

5. Go buy at least one pair of pants to go along with the other clothes that I ordered online.

6. Get my house in shape and get ready to enforce the chore chart with the kids.

7. Get a tan because as Beth Moore says, tan fat looks better than white fat and I'd rather go back to work looking like I did something this summer.

Take Out

2008-08-09T20:23:00.002-05:00

Tonight I decided to pick up dinner from Popeye's. I don't go there often, so I had forgotten that pretty much every time I've been there, I've been amazed by how intelligent their employees are. For instance, take this brilliant exchange from one of the past times I've been there:

"Can I take your order?"
"Yes, I'd like a #5 meal with fries and a Dr. Pepper."
"You want a #5 meal?"
"Yes, with fries and a Dr. Pepper."
"What kind of side do you want with that?"
"Fries."
"And what kind of drink?"
"Dr. Pepper"....

This time when I ordered, there was a similar conversation over the drive thru speaker system where I again ordered a meal and had to repeat the side and drink orders. Then when I got up to the window, I asked what kind of sauces they had for the chicken strips I'd ordered. So the guy lists of the various options including "Mardi Gras Mustard". "What's that?", I asked. The guy says "Well I've never tried it, but seriously, it's not good". I laughed and asked him how he would know it's no good if he never tried it and he said "Well, it doesn't smell good".

Being a fan of some things that don't necessarily smell good, take parmesan cheese and cooking cabbage. So I decided to try "Mardi Gras Mustard" anyway. The guy at Popeye's looked at me like I was crazy as he handed it to me and I just had to smile. Personally I give the sauce, a sweet mustard mixed with horseradish, a big thumbs up.

A Cooking Blog

2008-08-09T13:01:00.002-05:00

As if it's not going to be hard enough to keep up with one blog once I start back to work in one week, I've decided to start a blog for my favorite recipes. Cooking is one of my favorite things to do and I am often asked for my recipes, so I thought why not...

Here's the link to Suzanne's Favorite Recipes.

The Best Daddy

2008-08-08T11:17:00.004-05:00

About a year and a half ago I wrote something I would describe as a childlike perspective of the Lord's Prayer. I have wanted to share it for a while, but sometimes I worry too much about what others will think of my writing. I wrote it right after I found out that my friend and counselor Jeanette had cancer. It was an extremely difficult time for me and I was learning to lean on God. Here is what I wrote:

Our Father

Hi Daddy!

Who art in heaven

Far away, but still near to me

Hallowed be your name

Best daddy in the whole world? No, wait. Best daddy in the universe? No…. best daddy EVER, best daddy POSSIBLE! Yeah! That’s it!

Your kingdom come

I want the world to be what you want the world to be! Really!

Your will be done

What can I do to help you? Pick me! Pick me!

On earth as it is in heaven

Can we make my place look just like your place? Please!?

Give us this day our daily bread

You’re the ONLY one who can give me what I need

Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors

I’m really sorry I hit my brother and I still love him even though he hit me first. He’s still my brother after all.

And lead us not into temptation

I trust you to remind me when I shouldn’t touch the hot stove or run out into the street

But deliver us from evil

And when you’re ready, I’m ready to come be with you forever.

Wow, I’m reminded by the fact that the last line of that didn’t come easy and the reason is that I struggled for so long to understand why God lets bad things happen to us. It's hard to understand when we feel like he doesn't deliver us from evil.

In a perfect world, we would all be able to compare our earthly fathers to our heavenly Father, but we live in a fallen world; a world where our earthly fathers are so NOT perfect. Sometimes our earthly fathers do horrible things, like in my case. I've shared a little about it in My Story.

I am so thankful to know that God is nothing like my earthly father. I'm so thankful that I can trust Him. I am so thankful that He cares for me. And mostly, I am so thankful that I am His child.

New Background

2008-08-07T10:13:00.003-05:00

I've been looking at other people's oh so cute blogs and decided I'd try to fix mine up too. I got it at TheCutestBlogOnTheBlock.Com. So what do you think?

Lord, I'm Trying!

2008-08-06T09:49:00.002-05:00

Proverbs 22:6 (New International Version)
Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.

My son is driving me crazy lately! He's a pretty good kid overall. He makes good grades and doesn't get into trouble at school. I just wish I could get him to handle certain responsibilities better...like getting ready to go somewhere on time.

Both my teenagers have band camp this week and next week. This morning K woke T up to get ready and I woke him up again, but both times he went back to sleep. Then when K's friend showed up to take them to the school, he still wasn't up. So I told K she and her friend should leave and I would take him. Then I woke him up AGAIN and he went upstairs to get dressed(he'd been asleep on the couch.) I assumed that's what he was doing...till I called upstairs and realized he was back in bed again! Arghhh! So he ended up being late to band camp. I ended up lecturing him all the way there. And he seems not to care at all.....

School starts in a few weeks and I won't be able to take T to school unless he gets up really early. Otherwise he has to ride with K's friend. If he is going to ride with K and her friend, he will have to finish getting ready and get himself out of the door. He will have to do this without my prodding as I will already be at work. So I'm a little nervous about how this is going to go. Will I have to take off work to go take him to school if he misses riding with them (nope, can't do that every day and keep my job). Will I allow him to stay home for a day with serious consequences to deter that from happening again? Will I call the truant officer to go get him?

Feel free to make suggestions...

WARNING-Wear Gloves When Cutting Jalapenos!

2008-08-04T23:01:00.004-05:00

I have been cutting up jalapenos for years and years and never had a problem. I had heard on the Food Network that you are supposed to wear gloves to cut them up, but since I hadn't experienced a problem without the gloves I just figured that my hands weren't that sensitive.

Then one day I cut up about 40 jalapenos to make Stuffed Jalapenos (yum!). That was about a year ago. I ended up being miserable for about two days. My hands were burning terribly and every other part of my body that I had touched before I realized what was going on, burned too....for TWO DAYS! I searched the internet for remedies and all I found were things like this.

During the two days of burning skin, I learned many things about jalapeno injury:

1. Wear gloves if you plan to cut up large amounts of jalapenos.

2. If you don't wear gloves and end up with burning skin, DO NOT scrub your hands with soap trying to get the jalapeno oils off. This only opens up tiny cracks in your skin and makes the burn worse.

3. If you are experiencing burn from jalapeno cutting, keep your hands away from all other body parts for at least two days!

4. There are no sure fire remedies for this problem as far as I can tell.

5. Editing to add this for those who will find this post looking for relief. Dipping my hands in corn starch seemed to help a little. Since corn starch soaks up oil maybe?

Since I am the slow to learn type, I figured that I had only ended up with burning skin the one time because of the amount of peppers involved. So tonight we had Sour Cream & Salsa Chicken (cooked in the slow cooker all day), Mexican Rice, and Calabacitas. Included in the ingredients of Calabacitas are, of course, jalapenos. There is only one jalapeno required for making this dish, so no problem, right?

Actually my cutting up the single jalapeno probably wouldn't have been an issue had I not decided to go swimming tonight. I never thought about it, but apparently being in the water and the skin softening up causes the oils to penetrate your skin and causes BURNING.

This time I learned:

1. Wear gloves when cutting even one jalapeno.

2. If you don't wear gloves, definitely DO NOT go swimming after cutting jalapenos.