Thursday, June 23, 2011

Letting Go of the Shame

Romans 8:1 (ESV)

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

I have a tendency to feel ashamed for things over which I had little or no control, and that's something that has to change. For one thing, I have felt ashamed about my weight, but I've realized that's not doing me ANY good. All that leads to is that I beat myself up, and then it's just a vicious circle.

Up until last week, I had never been to a water park, because I didn't want others to have to look at me in a swim suit. You know those skits you see on TV about some fat person, or the peopleofthatstore dot com pictures, the ones people like to make fun of? Well, I've been guilty in the past of making fun too, but that's just not right! I have no idea what the circumstances of that person are, and even if it were JUST that she has eaten herself into that size for no reason, that's her business. Who am I to judge? Why would others judge me? And, why do any of us consider that funny???

I would venture to say that in almost (if not all) cases where someone is morbidly obese (yes, that's me too), there are multiple reasons for it. For me, it's a combination of thyroid disease and emotional issues, among other possible reasons. It ends up being the case that I spend more and more time sitting at home in my recliner, because there are too many things I physically can't do. Well that has to end somewhere, and I don't want it ending for me at the end of my life. I want to live!

So, two times I've gone to a water park with my daughters and grandbaby. Thank you Lord for the courage to do that. Thank you for allowing me to "get over myself" enough to know that I could miss out on parts of my life I can't get back. I'm so thankful to have been able to see Em splashing around in the water, and thankful to have been able to hang out with my girls and some friends there too.

I'm also exercising every day now, and eating better. Today is day four!! And it really was easier than days two and three, and I know it will get easier still.

Next week if I make it to the water park, I plan to have someone take a picture of me. That's another way I'm choosing to live. I used to be so afraid of having my picture taken. I didn't want to see what I looked like, and I didn't think anyone else did either. Then I realized that typically when someone wants to take a picture of me, it's not for ME, it's for the people who love me. They want a record of the fact that I'm part of their lives. Why would I deny that?

Choosing to listen to God, who tells me I'm worth it, is part one. Part two is choosing to get up, exercise, and eat better. And part three is to continue getting out to do the things I can now do, until I continually am able to do more and more.

Thank you so much for my friends who have been encouraging me. Talking to you about it has given me the push I needed to keep going. I know it's only been four days, but that's about three days longer than I've been able to keep going in a very long time. Please ask me if I don't talk about exercising. The accountability helps so much!

Choosing to live,

Suzanne :)

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