Rough Week

Matthew 11:28-29 (New International Version)
28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

Seems like it has just been one thing after another this week. There hasn't been anything catastrophic, it's just been difficult.

Things at work were crazy because it was a week full of tests and that means lots of reading to kids (a test that many of them just simply don't have the ability to do) and scheduling issues because there are too many kids and not enough teachers/aides.

Home life has also been stressful. Our schedule is jam packed, both of the kids were sick, homework to do, etc.

Then K had a meltdown before school this morning. I was 15 minutes late for work (I hate being late) and I just couldn't seem to recover from the stress of that combined with everything else.

I tried really hard to just get through the day at work, but I ended up having to leave when I realized I was on the verge of a serious panic attack. I'm talking about the kind of panic attack where you seriously feel like you might die, the chest hurting, hyperventilating kind. It didn't actually get to that point, but I've been there enough that I recognize the signs.

I was supposed to work with the band crew tonight at the football game and I felt terribly guilty because I just couldn't do it. We're so short-staffed on volunteers as it is, but I had to have a break. We have another band event tomorrow and I don't know that I'll make that one either.

I have to remind myself that when I am emotionally unhealthy, it's no different than if I were physically ill. Why is it so hard to give yourself a break when it's something emotional? If I had a broken leg, I might feel bad a little if I couldn't help, but it wouldn't be the same. It's easier to say "I just can't do it" when someone can see the cast on your leg. It's just that not everyone seems to understand that something's broken when they can't see it for themselves, can't feel it for themselves.

I know that every trial I go through is preparing me for something. I know that if I keep focused on the Lord, He will use what I am going through for good. I know that he is refining me.

I also know that I need to rest a little more than I have been. I can't continue doing as much as I have been doing. Some people can do so much more. Some people have that kind of energy. I am not one of those people. Somehow I have to learn to be ok with that.

I cried out to the Lord today. I am calmer tonight. I am taking a break.