It's not about me.

Psalm 40:8 (New International Version)
"I desire to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart."

I went to church this morning. My church. I think it had been 5 weeks since I've been. A couple of weeks I missed because M had been in the hospital and a couple of weeks because of the flu. Then last week, I went to a different church because one of the kiddos I work with at school was baptized. So finally today I got to be where I know I belong, in spite of the fact I don't always feel like I belong.

The church I go to is very different from many churches. It's a "biker church". It's a place where a homeless person fresh off the street would feel comfortable (and has as I've seen with my own eyes). It's a place where you can feel comfortable if you just got out of prison. In fact, from what the pastor says, we have several members who have been in prison before (not that I know all their stories to know who they are). You don't have to worry if you have the "right" kind of clothes or hair or car. It's the kind of church where I imagine Jesus would have fit right in...a place where you truly can "come as you are". It is a church that often makes me think of these verses:

Matthew 9:9-13 (New International Version)
9As Jesus went on from there, he saw a man named Matthew sitting at the tax collector's booth. "Follow me," he told him, and Matthew got up and followed him. 10While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew's house, many tax collectors and "sinners" came and ate with him and his disciples. 11When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, "Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and 'sinners'?" 12On hearing this, Jesus said, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. 13But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."

There are so many things I love about my church, but honestly, I don't always feel comfortable there. I'm so totally not a biker (I'm not sure you could get me on a motorcycle). I've never been in trouble with the law. I've never been homeless (thank God). I usually fit in a little better with the college graduate crowd (even though I didn't go to college)...not that I really fit in there either. And this morning I was thinking again about the fact that I don't really feel like I fit in. I have friends at church, but not close friends. For some reason, I never really feel like I fit in anywhere. So sometimes I wonder if I should try out a new church...

This morning, our pastor preached an amazing message about love (1 Corinthians, chapter 13) and talked about how we should be loving the way Jesus does if we know Him. He talked about how Jesus kept on loving us in spite of the horrible way He was treated. Pastor talked about the way Jesus didn't react violently against others no matter what they did to him. All the way to the cross.

When the service was over, I heard a voice behind me say "Mrs. C!" I turned around to see a girl I know from the school where I work. She asked me where my daughter was (M was her math teacher last year) and I let her know that M usually goes to another church. Then she gave me a hug (I think I hugged her 3 times actually). I was so excited to see her there and the reason was that she's not someone I expected to see at church. She's a pretty troubled kid and she's had a rough time in school...enough so that she's had to spend a lot of time in alternative school. She has a habit of reacting, sometimes violently, to others when she feels like she's been mistreated.

After the girl walked away, I was overwhelmed and began to cry. I thought about the fact that the message that was preached was one that couldn't have been better for her to hear. I thought about the fact that she most likely felt more comfortable there than she would've in some churches...at least I hoped so anyway. And I cried happy tears as I was reminded why this is my church.

When I walked out the door of the church, the girl was walking back in with a couple of friends. She said "bye Mrs. C, I love you!". I told her I loved her too. I pray that she heard something that will help her to give her life to Jesus. I also pray that I will see her there again next week.

I remembered how I had started out with a whiny attitude this morning because I felt like I didn't fit in. I had been complaining (if only in my head) about my own feelings. I had forgotten that it's not really about me. It's about Jesus and what I'm willing to do for Him. My fitting in doesn't matter nearly as much as being where He wants me to be.

I am so blessed to have been where He wanted me to be this morning. Thank you Lord.