FINALLY!

Seemed like it too F.O.R.E.V.E.R, but the pool is finally filled up and ready for swimmers. We started filling it Tuesday morning (had to wait for the new paint to dry well) and it wasn't completely full till a little after noon today. D says he thinks maybe the water pressure is kinda low and that is why. It's a good thing we postponed K's swimming party (it was supposed to be yesterday), because yesterday the pool was barely half full...and that wouldn't work too well.

So I'm off to go eat hot dogs and swim!

Sharing My Faith

Luke 8:39 (New International Version)
"Return home and tell how much God has done for you." So the man went away and told all over town how much Jesus had done for him.

I don't know what it is about me. Some days I could talk to any old stranger without the slightest bit of difficulty. Then there are other days when I kind of feel frozen within myself, afraid to talk to anyone. It's strange I guess, but I almost consider myself both an extrovert and an introvert. It all depends on my mood...or maybe my confidence level at the time.

Today I had a chance to share my faith with someone. It wasn't very easy for me to do, in fact I felt a little shaky. Plus, my teenagers were there with me and I wondered if I was going to get that look that they will give at times like Oh gosh, mom... But it was something I felt needed to be shared and I did. I'm so thankful that I listened to the Lord's voice prompting me to go on when I was unsure about myself.

There are times in my life when I'm so on top of the world in my faith that words just gush out; times when I must remind myself stop to let the other person speak too. Other times, it's more like today and the Spirit has to prompt me a little.

I am thankful that the Lord allows me the mountaintops (times when I'm like Julie Andrews singing The Hills Are Alive!) and I'm thankful that even when I'm not quite up there, that He prompts me and I am still able to share His love with the world.

Father, I pray that You will help me to always listen to You. I thank You that Your Holy Spirit guides me in my words. I thank You for Your love and for allowing me to share Your love with others.

Why is it...

...that for days it seemed like almost no one was blogging and I never thought to go to the library and get a book and now that I've got two books here, every one on my google reader list seems to have something new to say!?!

Oh well, I should go read a book for a while anyway...blogs will be there when I'm done. :)

Pool Party!

Well it looks like we're pretty much done with the pool ordeal, as long as nothing goes wrong when we get it filled up. D planned on only painting the part that he repaired, but once he got started painting it we realized how drastically different the old paint looked from the new paint. It's only been two years since we painted it, but I guess the Texas sun really does a number on paint. Soooo, we needed two more gallons of paint to paint the whole pool again at $80 per gallon. Cha-ching goes the register at the pool store. Wow, they must love us this summer!

It was so much easier to paint the pool this time though, thank God! The last time we painted it, we ended up doing it in a freak wind storm. Painting outdoors in a wind storm was pretty much a nightmare which had me in tears. This time we took time to actually pray over the pool and ask that God bless the project, and it appears that He has.

Later I'm going to the library to check out two books that Gretchen has recommended. I should've been reading all summer while I've been off work, but oh well...maybe I can get a couple of books read in the time I've got left. I also wanted to check out the book T needs for his summer reading project (he should've been reading before now too!). That won't be happening because it looks like all the other kids must've waited till the last minute too. All the books are checked out at the library, so we'll be stopping at Barnes and Noble to buy that one.

Have a good day peeps!

The Money Pit

The pool in our back yard...ugh..my son has renamed it "the pit of despair" and says we should have a plaque saying such made for it. I have many times called it the "money pit" myself. Well it has some sort of problem with the drain which meant my husband would've had to cut out a large portion of the pool (it's an in-ground fiberglass pool) and build back the drain area. That also meant ordering from out of town a drain to replace the old one. All in all, lots more work and time on top of work and time already put into the pool.

Why not just fill the pool in with dirt? Good question, and we've thought about it. Problem is that from what I understand, that it would cost a couple thousand bucks to do even that. Hubby fixing the pool himself will only cost several hundred and then we'll have the pool back...I hope.

So hubby has decided to "teletubbie the pool"..his words. I offered up that maybe we were doing a "Kyle XY" on the pool. For those of you who are totally confused by now, what this means is that we have decided that our pool will no longer have a belly button a.k.a. drain. D says that he never uses the drain, so he's just going to do the repair by patching and painting over it.

Isn't there a reason that you're supposed to have a pool drain? Well I kinda thought that since pools all have them (all except mine now), that there must be some sort of need for them. D says that since we have a pump that we can pull the water out with if we need to drain it, then no. Okie dokie.

Ya know what? If surgery on my pool makes it look like a freak to other pools, I'm so sorry, but I'm all for it. If it will give us back our pool, costs less, and D will be a happy camper then I say go for it. We will just have to console our pool when other pools laugh at it by swimming happily and making it feel needed again. Surely it would be better than the life it's lived for the past couple of weeks.

Quiet Time

Romans 12:1 (New International Version)
Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship.

Seems like I'm not alone in what I'm talking about today. I'm having trouble with my feelings about how I spend quiet time with God. HisGirl posted a beautiful devotional on the subject today.

Sometimes when I try to have my quiet time, I don't feel it like I think I'm supposed to feel it. I don't always get that tingly feeling all over that just makes me know without a shadow of a doubt that my Lord is right there enveloping me in His presence. There are many times when I do feel that way, but not always to be sure. I don't know why this is.

Maybe the reason it's not always the same has to do with where my focus is. Maybe it's because I let the little things (and some big things) in my life get to me. Maybe it's because there is a sin getting in the way between me and God. I'm sure that is the problem in some instances. But then there are times when I cannot for the life of me figure out what is going on with me that would keep me from feeling His presence stronger.

So maybe there is another reason that my quiet time isn't always what it should be. Could it be that it is just part of being human? Could it be that just maybe God means for it to be that way for us? Could it be that were we to experience the "tingly all over teary eyed blow me away" feeling every time that we would take it for granted? Maybe we wouldn't appreciate those amazing encounters if we had them every day.

God honors our sacrifices and isn't a sacrifice something we don't want to do? His Word tells us that when we offer up ourselves as living sacrifices, it is a spiritual act of worship. So then if we are offering ourselves up to Him even when we don't feel it or feel like it, could it be that those times are even more precious to our loving Father?

As I understand it, our quiet time with God should be not just for us, but for Him too. If we were just there to get that awesome feeling from Him, wouldn't that be selfish? But we're not there just for that purpose. If we were, then we wouldn't talk about the times where the Lord's presence isn't so evident to us.

So maybe we should stop being so hard on ourselves. Maybe we should stop listening to the devil when he tells us that what we're doing isn't good enough. Maybe we should listen to our heavenly Father when He tells us what precious princesses we are to Him.

Thank You Father for making my quiet time today so amazing. Thank You for allowing me to have this quiet time with You and for allowing me to share this with others. Please Lord help us all to see ourselves as you see us. I pray this in the name of Your Son Jesus, amen.

Small Things God Asks Us To Do

Someone whose blog I was reading last night had posted a story about praying for a stranger. It was a beautiful story about God being in the details. It reminded me how God calls us to do not just big things for him, but small things as well.

Many times I am compelled to pray for random people I don't know. I will just see someone walking down the street as I'm driving and feel like they need prayer. Sometimes it's more obvious why there is a need, for instance if someone looks destitute. Other times, there is no outward appearance of a problem and I just feel strongly that God wants me to pray for a person.

I often wonder if God will ever let me in on how things turned out for the people He has asked me to pray for. It reminds me of the song Thank You For Giving To The Lord by Ray Boltz. Here is a video someone put together with the song. I think that it is amazing!

More About Victory Over Fear

Psalm 94:18-19 (New International Version)
18 When I said, "My foot is slipping," your love, O LORD, supported me. 19 When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.

How great are those verses!?!

A week about I posted about struggling with fear. I was having a pretty rough time, nowhere near as rough a time as I've had in the past, but a rough time nonetheless. I'm so happy to report that I made it through those couple of days. I'm even more thankful to know that my Lord and Savior is the reason why I made it.

There has been a lot of chaos around me. I'm busy raising teenagers (which is a trial in and of itself!), my husband is unhappy because he hates his job, I have issues with my mother, and I'm off work right now which means I don't have that to focus on. Plus we are having issues with the house that are costing bunches of money, including our pool (where we should be cooling off from the Texas heat), which currently looks like this:

So I tend to react in an anxiety ridden way when things like this are happening. I always know it's not the end of the world and that it's irrational, but regardless of that, I feel the way I do.

Thankfully, God has helped me to see in so many ways that He is in control and that I am not. Wow, was it ever hard for me to let Him be in control for the first time! HaHa, like I ever had the control in the first place, right?

God is always so faithful to see me through my darkest hours. Nowadays, instead of letting things continue to spiral downward, He reminds me who He is and pulls me back up. He reminds me that He is bigger than any of my problems.

Thank You Father for rescuing me from the pits I dig for myself. Help me Father to trust You more and keep me from believing anything that is different from what Your Word tells me.

Dogs

I love dogs. I must, I have three of them. I didn't really plan to have three dogs. It just kinda happened that way.

Our oldest dog, Molly (she's 6) is some sort of Rottweiler mix with a very small head. She came from the humane society as I'm big on taking in dogs that might not have a chance otherwise. Molly captured my heart as she smiled at me and practically begged me to take her home. My husband kept saying "she's too big"...note to self, listen to husband in the future when he says that. Molly was about 4 months old when we got her and the vet said she'd be around 60-75 lbs. full grown. That would be pretty big, but think Clifford the Big Red Dog...yeah almost that big. Molly now weighs about 135 lbs. She is also known as "Big Rotten" because she is. This is what Molly does best:

Then there's Ruby. Ruby is my "baby dog". She is some sort of Papillon looking mix, but one of her ears fell when she was spayed...the vet said that happens sometimes. She's sitting right beside me or in my lap pretty much all the time. About 6 months after we got Molly, someone we knew adopted a dog from the humane society. When you adopt one from the humane society, you agree to have them spayed or neutered so as to control the pet population. Well when the person I knew took her new dog in to be spayed, the vet told her that the dog was already pregnant. I'm so glad she was, because one of her puppies is my Ruby dog. Ruby is also known as "little rotten" because she is...

Lastly, we have Rue. Rue is a pure bred Australian Sheperd and usually looks more like this, but we just had her hair cut a couple of weeks ago. Rue came to us after having been in several homes. The first people who owned her gave her away because she wanted too much attention, which at first I could not understand at all. Now I see that she totally is an attention hog, but we love her anyway. Well she was shuttled from person to person till our daughter and her then fiance' took her in. They asked us to keep her till they could get married and buy a house...well that didn't work out since they're no longer together, so I guess she's our dog now. We had pretty much decided within the first week she was here that she wasn't going anywhere anyway. Those are T's feet in the background as he's asleep on the couch this morning too.

As you can see, my rotten dogs do get on the furniture. We try to keep the 135 pounder off the furniture, but even she succeeds in defying us at times. In my younger days I never would've imagined letting dogs on the furniture. In fact, I used to have all sorts of rules for the first dog I had as an adult, but something about losing her after 12 years changed me into a "dog weirdo". Yup, I now understand those people who love their dogs too much. Never say never...that's what I've learned.

Reader beware, this is a rant!

Well yesterday's time with mom was just ok. She talked a lot about things her husband says to her that made me want to scream WHY do you put up with this?!? But I didn't...I just sat quietly and listened because I know that my saying things would probably just make her mad. Here is a short list of the things that make me so angry:

1. He has zero income, yet she drives the old car with no air conditioning to work every day(and it's nearly 100 degrees with high humidity every day here right now), while he keeps the nice SUV home with him for his short trips to the grocery store.

2. He has zero income, yet he yells at her about the amount of money she spends.

3. He yells at her about random things and generally treats her very disrespectfully.

4. He has zero income because he refuses to get a job.

5. Even though he's home all day every day, their yard looks absolutely horrible and obviously hasn't been touched in months.

Can you tell that the zero income thing is a problem for me? Plus she has the nerve to compare what he does with the job of a stay-at-home mom! At this point I'm thinking of a speech along the lines of "I knew John Kennedy, and you're no John Kennedy!", I've been a stay-at-home mom with small kids and you're no stay-at-home mom! She told me he has been feeling lonely and she should spend more time with him. She says that she can understand how he feels because she remembers being stuck at home with toddlers and then dad going out with his buddies in the evening. She does nothing but go to work and come home and spend time with him and he's lonely...

It's just really so hard for me to be around that situation at all. I feel totally unwelcome in her home and I left yesterday with the feeling of relief that I probably won't have to "do that again" for a while...

Don't say I didn't warn you. I told you this would be a rant, but since you've been so kind as to read this far I will try to post something more light hearted later on today. I've been wanting to post pictures of my doggies, but my husband has had the camera with him on a trip. Now that he's back, I plan to take some pics today.

Hope you all have a great day. With God's amazing grace, I hope to have a good one as well.

More About My Mom

Matthew 19:26 (New International Version)
Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

Today is the day I'm supposed to spend time with my mom. I don't really know how you're supposed to do that, "spend time with your mom", because the relationship I have with mine is so strange.

I don't remember having much of a relationship with my mom growing up. I just remember thinking she didn't like having kids much, even though she told us many times how we were all "wanted". From what she said, her mother had once told her that she was not "wanted", that she was an "accident". So my mother was bound and determined that she would never say such a thing to her children. Problem is that you can say it in so many other ways than just verbally.

I know my mother tried to be the best mom she could and I know things were not easy for her. She married my dad at the age of 18 and I was already on the way. She always said that if my grandmother had known she was pregnant before she was married, she'd have forced her to give me up. Mom told me over and over how even though she was pregnant before she was married, I was planned anyway, that she really wanted to have a baby at that time.

Within 3 1/2 years of the time I was born, there were 3 of us kids...me, my sister (18 mos. younger) and our little brother (about 2 yrs. younger than my sister). She didn't have any support in the way of her family. She once asked my grandmother if she would babysit and my grandmother said she would do it for the same amount of money one would pay a sitter. She had no sisters and her sisters-in-law were all living out of town.

Dad wasn't much help to my mom either. He was the type who'd rather be playing, hanging out with his buddies drinking, etc...and mom was the one who tried to hold things together, pay the bills and such. I know it was very difficult for my mom.

Later on in her life, I know my mom felt trapped. She grew tired of raising kids with a man who wanted to drink and party and spend every extra dime they had. And it must've been hard on her to find out that her husband was sexually abusing one of her kids. I say that it must've been hard, because she has never really talked about it much. She has told me though that the reason she didn't leave him when it happened is because she felt she had nowhere to go. So she tried to make the best of a bad situation, I guess.

Mom stayed with dad till her children were grown and then she met someone else and left him. She is now married to a man who would rather not have her children around at all. She lives five minutes away from me, but has almost nothing to do with me or my children. She works hard at a job she hates and drives an old junker of a car while her husband is a stay-at-home something who drives the decent car they have. Her husband has never had a job while they've been together (about 17 years) because he suffers from anxiety issues.

Anyway, I had thought that mom wanted to spend the day with me today, but last night she called and it sounds like it's more of just a lunch date that will be happening today. I suspect that is because her husband doesn't want her to be gone all day because he will be lonely. I'm disappointed to say the least...

I keep wanting to have a relationship with my mother and trying to do so, but sometimes it feels like it would just be so much easier just to let it go...and I wish it didn't hurt SO much.

All that being said, I remind myself of how God has helped me to get through this difficult life. I remind myself that a lot of my healing has come from learning to be the mom I wanted to have. One of the good things mom taught me was to try to do a better job parenting than she had done. I tell my kids the same thing.

Dear Heavenly Father, I know that with You all things are possible and I ask for Your blessing on the time I spend with my mother today. Thank You Lord for your many blessings!

K's Dr. Appointment

I was trying to do up a cool banner this morning and had some trouble with it, but HisGirl was sweet enough to fix it for me (thanks so much). She so totally rocks!

I took my 16 yr. old to see the psychologist who specializes in Asperger's Syndrome and after our time with him today, he's pretty sure that's what we're dealing with. It's what we have suspected for a few months now, so not a surprise or anything. Hopefully he can help us to figure out some things she can work on to help her with social skills. Maybe he can also help us to figure out how to have fewer "arguments"- K's word for it (Asperger's kids have a tendency to get highly emotional at times). As Asperger's kids go, she's very high functioning though. She's kind of a super genius at things involving music and has a really high grade point average at school.

I have known since K was little that there was something different about her and her dad always says she's wired differently (which the doc says is exactly right). I even used to say that I thought she was "slightly autistic". I guess I waited till now to have her tested because she's always adapted at school so well and most of the difficulties have been here at home. Plus I guess I was just in denial and thought she was just going through a stage.

Now that K's going to be a junior in high school, I can tell that there are certain things about her that are just always going to be that way. I'm fine with that now and thankful that she's not affected by A.S. as severely as some people are. I would just like to make sure that she gets any help she needs to move into adulthood.

Pictures

I finally decided to add a couple of pictures to my blog. It's just one of me, my husband and our oldest daughter on her graduation from college and then another of my three kiddos on Christmas a few years ago. Scroll down to see them on the left.

My mom...

Well I talked to my mom last night. I got up the courage to ask her about the retreat, but she doesn't want to go to it. She said it's because she needs to spend more time with her husband, but I don't know. Anyway, I guess I will spend the day with her on Saturday instead of going to the retreat. I've been praying for a relationship with my mom and I feel like I need to sieze the opportunity to spend time with her.

I am thankful that the Lord gave me the courage to even ask my mom to go to the retreat. That was so hard for me to do in and of itself. I guess the Lord also gave me the strength not to have it be such a let down when she said no too, although I am disappointed.

Now I'm just praying that the time I spend with mom this weekend will be good for our relationship and that I can witness to her in a very gentle way. That gentle part really needs prayer as I'm more a "bull in the china cabinet" kinda gal by nature.

Thanks for your prayers thus far. It really warms my heart to know that you all care.

A New Day

Lamentations 3:22-23 (New International Version)
22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

I think just blogging about my fear situation yesterday helped SO much. I am happy to say that I have been feeling much better, have not had a panic attack and did not have to resort to the xanax. Yeah God!!

I had to face a fear this morning as I had to tell my 16 yr. old that she has an appointment on Friday to see a psychologist who specializes in Asperger's Syndrome. She has a tendency to totally freak out when she's nervous about something, so I was concerned about how she would handle it when I told her. Thank God, so far she seems to be handling it very well. Let's give another shout out to God!

Now I have one more fear to face today. My mother and I have a strained relationship and she called me for the first time in two months the other day. She asked if we could get together some time and we scheduled to do something on Saturday. I want to ask my mother if she will go with me to a women's retreat at my church this weekend and plan to ask her today. I'm not sure how her relationship is with the Lord right now and she could be totally put off by my suggestion that she go with me. I've left conversations with my mother feeling rejected more times than I can tell you, so that's why I'm afraid to ask her. So pray for us please!

Struggling For Victory Over Fear

I've been struggling lately, really struggling, but thanks to Jesus, Jess and a few other friends I'm posting this anyway. It is really difficult for me to post when I'm struggling. satan tells me that I shouldn't show that to the world and be such a downer. he tells me to hide this part of who I am. he laughs at me and mocks me during times like this. he is the one in my head who constantly belittles me. Like a mean spirited little child, he yells stupid! stupid! stupid! while I cower in fear inside my head. I don't know why I listen to him at times, but I do.

I have been fighting off panic attacks for the last few weeks. I haven't had a full blown panic attack yet and desperately hope I won't, but it's been an almost constant battle to keep from it. I know that God is here with me in a time like this, but it is so hard to feel his presence. I remind myself over and over, what I know to be true in an effort to stave off the chest pains and hyperventilation.

So how can I continue to say I live a victorious life in Christ when I am in a time like this? How can I say that I've gone "from fear to victory" when I let fear get r.i.g.h.t. u.p. i.n. m.y. f.a.c.e? Where is the change in me that proves the victorious life? There has been a change. That is what is so hard for me in a time like this. Admitting that I still let my fears get to me when I KNOW in my heart, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I do have a victorious life in Christ now. I want to tell myself I have been healed and that I no longer have fear as a companion!

Last night I went to the bible study at my church for the first time in a while. We are doing a Beth Moore study called God's Dwelling Place. In a video, Beth talked about how the people of Israel acted when God gave them manna to eat. She talked about how God only gave them enough for one day at a time (except for the day before the Sabbath) and how the people couldn't store the manna up to keep for later as it would rot. God wanted to show them that He would provide for them daily and that they should trust Him to do so.

Beth Moore also talked about how she felt that the people's actions in trying to store up manna for future days were rooted in pride and/or fear. The pride part was that they wanted to provide for themselves rather than trust God to do so and the fear part was that they wondered if God would provide daily and were afraid to trust Him to do so.

I know I'm dealing with fear issues right now, but didn't realize the pride part that has been a problem for me lately. Maybe the part of me who wants to believe I've been healed from fear is in actuality, prideful in that I want to say I'm better than that now. Shouldn't my relationship with Christ mean that I am healed in a way that means I never need fear again? Of course it does, but do I still feel the fear? Yup, still human!

Maybe the fear that is part of my struggle, like Jess' hands, could be healed with just a word from God. Then again, maybe it won't be healed right now because God has a purpose for this pain, for this fear. Maybe my fear is the common denominator between me and someone else that helps that someone else to understand how you can still feel the fear and yet do it God's way.

So I ask myself again, where is the change that proves the victorious life? I think the biggest change I've seen in the way I handle fear is that it seldom overtakes me in the same way that it used to. In the past, I would have run for the xanax (calming medicine, for those of you who don't know) so fast it would make your head spin. In the past, I would've had the full blown panic attack by now without it. In the past, I didn't know that peace that passes understanding. In the past, I didn't trust Jesus to get me through the fear.

I'm not saying that I will never end up having a full blown panic attack. I might. STILL human. I'm not saying that I won't end up running to the xanax occasionally. What I am saying is that whatever happens, I now know that Jesus will get me through it.

Click Here for More About Victory Over Fear

Glory

Philippians 2:9-11 (New International Version)
9Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, 10that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.


When I think on these verses, I just get the most beautiful picture in my head. It makes me think of the song "Glory" by Selah. You can hear it if you scroll down on the right to the Music I Love and click play.

Some days I long for that day so much and other days I remember that there are people I love who don't yet seem to know the Lord. On those days, I'd rather it be a little longer time. Still, I know it's not up to me.

I get homesick longing to be with my Lord, but then I remember why I am here. To bring him glory. So that others may see Him in me. So that maybe something He does through me will help another to believe. And I know it's all worth it.

Thank you Father that I know in my heart on that day when all confess that you are Lord, that it won't be foreign to my tongue. Thank you Lord that you continue to break my stubborn will and are helping me to live out Your will. All glory and honor and praise be Yours!

The Armor of God

Ephesians 6:13-18 (New International Version)
13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.



Yesterday I talked about the fact that I feel that we are experiencing spiritual warfare in my home. That being the case, my instructions are plainly stated in the verses above. If my home is under attack, it's time to make sure I am wearing the full armor of God. So this is what I'm going to be studying for the next few days.

Spiritual Warfare

Ephesians 6:12 (New International Version)
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

There is spiritual warfare going on in my home right now. I feel it in my marriage, in raising my children, in my walk with God. I am working so hard to be the best mother, wife, and child of God. Then the fear starts to overtake me...and I speak Jesus to the fear. I sing to Him and I pray.

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust You.
How I've proved You o'er and o'er.
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
Oh, for grace to trust You more!

I am ashamed of myself when, for whatever reason, I give in to the fear. Why am I not remaining grounded in what I know to be true? Why don't I trust Him ALWAYS in my life? Why is that so hard for me? Why do I feel little aches and pains and begin to be afraid that I may die today?

Psalm 27:1 (New International Version)
The LORD is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?

I remember when I first felt the Peace that passes understanding, in the midst of tremendous fear and pain. Oh, what a miracle it was to feel God's Peace that day! I don't remember exactly what I was going to the counselor to talk about. I just know that whatever I had planned to talk about was terrifying to me at the time. Just driving to the counselor's office was such an exhausting chore as I would grip the steering wheel so tightly that my hands hurt. But not that day. That day I felt The Lord lift my burden, unexpectedly. The heavy weight and pressure that my body had felt simply vanished from my consciousness. The overwhelming sense of Peace enveloped my body and my spirit. I wept and I thanked God.

Philippians 4:6-7 (New International Version)
6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

I believe that Peace is always available to those who know Jesus. So why don't I always feel it? Why won't I trust Him enough?

Dear Father, I pray that through your grace I will learn to trust you more, every day and in every way and that all that I do and say will bring You glory! I pray this in the name of your Son Jesus Christ. Amen!

I'm a packrat...or a recovering packrat hopefully

Matthew 6:19-20 (New International Version)
19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.

Wow, do I wish I had found flylady sooner. Then maybe I wouldn't have spent quite so much time this last couple of years getting rid of STUFF...tons and tons of STUFF. Today I got 5 large trash bags full out of my middle daughter K's closet, two of them just trash and 3 of them old toys (and believe it or not there is still more in there!). I am just so thankful that I have learned to let go of these things.

In the past, I would say too often "I might need that later" and I couldn't bear to get rid of miscellaneous junk. I could always think of some way that most everything could be used or would be used (as in many years later when I eventually have grandchildren). So I tried for years, buying all sizes of plastic storage boxes, to organize my clutter...till flylady helped me to realize you can't organize clutter!

I think a big part of hoarding, which is what I guess I have done, is in a way not trusting God to provide for my needs. I have to remind myself that if I need something, God will provide. I don't need to hold on to every tiny bit of what I have collected over these many years. So another freedom I now have in the Lord is the freedom to let go of earthly treasures, knowing that my real treasure is in heaven.

Woohoo! God is good, all the time!

Kids...

Proverbs 22:6 (New International Version)
Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels like a complete failure as a parent sometimes. I know that I'm being overly dramatic when I feel that way too. After all, when I put things into perspective, it could always be much worse...like in this story:

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed nicely made up and everything neat and tidy. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and Mom. I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice. I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am. But it's not only the passion, Dad, she's pregnant. Joan says that we are going to be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood, enough for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Joan has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your son, Chad

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my desk drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home!

That's the kind of story that helps remind me that my kids aren't all that bad, but they still drive me C.R.A.Z.Y. at times. Getting them to do chores or be responsible in all the ways I want them to be is like pulling teeth. :::sigh:::

Still, they do make good grades, hang out with pretty good people and get up to go to church with us most Sunday mornings.....

Help me Lord to do my best to teach my children your ways and help them to be accepting of those ways.

Philippians 4:4 (New International Version)
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!

Take Me Out To The Ball Game!

Proverbs 11:25 (New International Version)
A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.

I was actually looking for a verse about refreshment from the Lord when I found that one, but it actually works quite well because someone decided to give my husband tickets to a minor league baseball game that is tonight. After all, refreshment from others is actually refreshment from the Lord, huh? We have a brand new stadium very close to home and it's supposed to be a lot of fun there. I've never been to a minor league game, so I'm really looking forward to it.

We have 5 tickets to the game, so my 14 yr. old son, T gets to bring his girlfriend along. Something about T makes her giggle constantly. We're not sure what it is. He's amusing, but not nearly as amusing to us as he is to this girl, it seems. She's a really sweet girl though and I honestly couldn't be happier with his choice of girlfriends right now. Let's hope I'm always this pleased with his choices.

Well I'm off to get ready to go!

30 Days Develops a Habit?

That's what they say, isn't it...that if you do something for 30 days it will become habit. I guess I'm developing the habit of finding a verse a day. So here's a verse for this first day of July. I guess it could still be AVADIJ, huh?

Psalm 119:10 (New International Version)
I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands.

So I'll be truthful now and tell you that I don't seek the Lord with all my heart every single day. I wish I did. How much simpler and more peaceful would my life be if I did? I want to. And I mean to. It's just that I get caught up in my every day life and I forget to seek Him with all my heart. I let other things pull my heart in different directions away from Him...directions of fear, directions of disappointment, directions of frustration. I forget that if I continually seek Him with alll my heart those things won't matter. Those things won't pull my heart away from Him.

On Sunday our pastor preached on James 4:7-8:
James 4:7-8 (New International Version)
7Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8Come near to God and he will come near to you.

Our pastor asked if we wanted to know what we could do this week that would make a significant difference in our lives. Then he talked about three things you can do to insure that.

1. Submit yourself to God.

My take is that I am to submit to His will above my own and do what I know He wants me to do rather than keep doing things He has continually told me aren't in my best interest.

2. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

For me personally, I need to stop acting like I don't have the resources to resist doing the things God has told me to stop doing. I am reminded that "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." (1 Corinthians 10:13).

3. Come near to God and He will come near to you.

How can I come near to Him when I know I am consciously doing things that put a separation wall between us? I know what He has been telling me for so long and I know what I need to do to draw near to Him.

That message made an impression on me. So the last couple of days I have really been focusing on how I can achieve this for my life. I want so badly to be a woman after God's heart.

I pray that the Father will continue to teach me to do His will and that I will actually listen to Him when He tells me what His will is for me. Then maybe I can truly say "I seek You with all my heart".